Ten Tips for a Successful Quarterlife

Feb 21, 2008

Recently, some forum regulars engaged in an interesting debate about the definition of success, something that I’ll probably weigh in on in a later post. For the purposes of this post, what I mean by a successful quarterlife is one in which you learn about yourself, move in a direction that indicates progress on some front, and/or get a better sense of what you want and how to get there.


1. CHANGE YOUR MIND

Changing your mind is not a sign of failure – it’s a sign of growth. Allowing yourself to back up and adjust opens up more avenues than forcing yourself to live up to decisions you made in the past.

2. LET YOUR HEART SOAR BUT KEEP YOUR HEAD GROUNDED

Dare to dream and to pursue that dream – but try to have a realistic Plan B to help you pay the bills in the process. If at present the dream is unattainable, modify it: Can’t be a movie star? At least start moving in that direction by joining a local theatre troupe or teaching acting classes. Can’t write for the Vanity Fair? Write for a small local paper. Your new experiences and connections could ultimately lead you to the goal you once thought impossible.

3. DON’T FOCUS ON WHAT YOU DON’T HAVE; FOCUS ON WHAT YOU DO

Too often we compare ourselves to other people our age and believe we come up short, especially when it comes to careers. Realize that there are other parts of your life – an inspiring talent, a fun group of friends, a great relationship with your parents, an apartment (however tiny) in an ideal location – of which you can be proud.

4. RELAX

There is no reason you need to nail down the various aspects of your life – home, job, romantic partner – by age 25 or 30. Regularly remind yourself that there is no rush to decipher your identity in your twenties. You have the rest of your life for that.

5. TUNE THEM OUT

Don’t let the people around you impose their visions of an ideal life on you. Chances are, you won’t be happy being the person someone else wants you to be.

6. GO AFTER WHAT YOU WANT, NOT WHAT YOU WANT TO WANT

Similarly, don’t try to convince yourself that because someone else’s life is comfortable or exciting, you should force your life into that mold, too. If you have to spend a lot of time persuading yourself that something is right for you, then it probably isn’t.

7. SCREW UP

The quarterlife is a time to learn by trial and error. Job-hops and breakups are often necessary to teach you who you are and what you want in life. Any job or relationship that teaches you what you don’t like is just as valuable as one that teaches you what you do.

8. LOOK BEYOND THE OBVIOUS

Just because it’s easier to get information on popular fields such as law, medicine, and consulting doesn’t mean you should consider them. There are thousands of non-traditional alternatives that might be a better fit for you. In the same way, ditch your checklist for the supposedly ideal romantic partner you’re seeking. You never know how you’ll mesh with someone until you get to know that person.

9. TRY EVERYTHING

Use your time in college and as a young adult to try activities and experiences outside your comfort zone. Taking advantage of this somewhat free period by experimenting as much as possible might lead you in a direction you otherwise wouldn’t have thought of.

10. DON’T HOLD YOURSELF BACK

If you have a specific goal, go after it 100%. Don’t half-ass it only so that if you fail, you can tell yourself that you didn’t really try. You know how the Yoda quote goes. Heed the wise Muppet.


If you’d like to Ask Alex about life, love, jobs, home, family, friends, emotional, or identity issues, email her at robbinsbooks(AT)gmail.com or message her on quarterlife (handle: AlexRobbins).


Alexandra Robbins is a journalist who has written for several publications, including Vanity Fair, The New Yorker, Atlantic Monthly, The Washington Post, and Forbes, and regularly appears on national television on shows such as The Colbert Report, Oprah, The Today Show, 60 Minutes, Anderson Cooper 360, and The View. Some of her books include Conquering Your Quarterlife Crisis: Advice From Twentysomethings Who Have Been There and Survived; Pledged: The Secret Lives of Sororities; and Secrets of the Tomb, about George W. Bush’s secret society Skull and Bones. A consultant on generational topics, she frequently lectures at universities, high schools, corporations, alumni and professional associations, and other organizations about quarterlife issues, and has interviewed thousands of twentysomethings and thirtysomethings on the subject.

Hailed by the press as “an excellent stylist and a first-rate mind” and “a media celebrity,” Robbins has developed a riveting signature style of investigative journalism that reads like a fast-paced work of fiction. The New York Times said Robbins’ latest book, The Overachievers, an Editors’ Choice, “reads like very good ...fiction, thanks to its winning cast, its surprising plot twists and its pushy parents.” People Magazine named The Overachievers its Critics’ Choice, gave it four out of four stars and called it “impossible to put down,” and Entertainment Weekly called it “quick and riveting.”

However, these days, Alexandra seems to be more commonly known as the chick who called Stephen Colbert a d-bag.

For more information, please visit www.alexandrarobbins.com

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