I've decided that leaping is better than just looking over

Apr 07, 2008

God I need to clean my room...Being in college is stupid. I want to roam the word, be a vagabond...or at least you know....a hobo...a hobo with a guitar....and a house....and a shower......okay, maybe I don't want to be a hobo. But I do just want to run away sometimes, I can't help it. Lately, I've just had this desire to do something else, somewhere else, with someone else. I just feel like everything needs to change for me to better. I give part of the blame of that to my mother. Whose solution to every problem was pack up and move at least four or five hours away. I never worked for long so I'm confused as to why I'm so desperate to do it. But never the less. My roommate and I are at each others throats lately. You never know a person until you live with them and I now understand my roommate perfectly. See, my roommate is a Pseudo-Feminist. She is all about being equal to men and making sure she NEVER objectifies herself. And trying to have these "intellectual conversations" were she has to have the last word to prove that she is without a doubt a equal, if not a superior, sex and yet...with the drop of a hat she is suddenly someone else. She tosses her hair and falls all over guys trying to make sure that she has their attention. Exhibit A...we were having a house party/slumber party where everyone was drinking but me (I'm on some medication that prevents that right now...oh yeah, I'm sick too) and so eventually I decided that all I really wanted to do was go get in my friend's bed and play guitar so I could finish this song I'm working on before I die (I'm also a songwriter...sort of) and you know, I'm finally having a good time (sometimes, I would rather be by myself than be with any of my friends) When one of the guys from the group comes in and decides that first he wants to sit and invade my alone time with first his presence and then his bass guitar. Which draws in one more party guest to come hang out. (so now the party has been divided in half roughly). I'm not rude enough to tell them to go away because they weren't being a huge nuisance and I've always had a crush on one of the guys......(this brings up a good point...I probably just should say names....or change them. I'll think about this.) But five minutes after Hottie McCrush comes into the bedroom so does my roommate. My roommate is admittedly a better musician than I. She's also prettier. I just feel like I should, and can be honest. But I'm definitely a better actress...and dancer...and writer...and I'm funnier....a lot funnier. A LOT funnier. anyway. Fake Feminist Roommate literally comes in observes for two minutes then takes the guitar from me and starts to play a song that she wrote a long time ago. It's all she ever plays, she's a one hit wonder. I wouldn't have given it to her if she had not said she just wanted to tune it. Girls are stupid. Why do they feel the constant need to be in competition with each other?



All I want out of life is to exist, positively affect the lives a few people, thus maybe ultimately positively affect the world. I'm a putting together the smaller pictures in the puzzle will ultimately fix the bigger picture sort of girl. I just want to be me...I'd also like to find someone to love me for the crazy, abrasive, perverted, vulnerable person that I am...but we can't all get what we want. I think that's it for now.