What to do With Your Father in Law

Nov 13, 2007

Characters: Benny the gardener (young, ruggedly handsome but obviously lower class, a generally good man), Mr. Donovan (elderly aristocrat, fine cloths, smokes a pipe, not a bad person but and extreme elitist), Peggy Donovan (young and beautiful, slightly younger than Benny, quick of thought and wit).
Scene: The play takes place in England in 1912. The scene begins in the library of Mr. Donovan. This is a well furnished and well stocked library with ornate shelves filled with books of various size and color coving its four walls. There is a large comfortable looking chair which Mr. Donovan is reading in, a side table with what appears to be the dishes left from afternoon tea and a lamp. The room is not terribly large but appears to be part of a large aristocratic home.

Benny (knocks three times on the door to the library): Mr. Donovan, sir.
Mr. Donovan (grumpily): Who is it? What do you want? Why have you disturbed me?
Benny (still outside the door): It’s Benny, sir, the gardener. I wonder if I could have a word.
Mr. Donovan: I am busy, do not bother me.
Benny: I beg your pardon, sir, but I really must speak to you now.
Mr. Donovan (sighs): Come in if you must. (Benny enters) Well what is it boy? Is there something wrong with the garden? Speak up.
Benny: No, sir, the garden is fine. I would like to speak to you about a more personal matter.
Mr. Donovan (eying him suspiciously): What kind of personal matter?
Benny: The matter of my love for your daughter Peggy. I would like to have your permission and blessing to ask her hand in marriage.
(Mr. Donovan begins laughing rather hard)
Benny: I’m serious, Mr. Donovan. Will you grant your blessing and embrace me as your son?
Mr. Donovan: Don’t be ridiculous. You are a gardener; my daughter is above your station. Such a match is impossible. Go back to the garden; there are plants to attend to.
Benny (outraged): Sir! I may just be a gardener but I am a good man. Your daughter and I are in love, and some old tyrant isn’t going to stop us from being happy.
(Mr. Donovan is becoming visibly angry)
Benny: Blessing or not, Peggy and I will wed, even if we have to run to America to do it. There is nothing you can do to stop us. I wish you could be reasonable.
Mr. Donovan (now livid): I have never been spoken to--- (he stops short, a look of pain and discomfort crosses his face, he clutches his arm, and then goes limp and is dead)
Benny (looks surprised, shakes Mr. Donovan): Mr. Donovan! Mr. Donovan! (Steps back in fear and surprise) My god! He’s dead!
(Just then the door to the library opens, and in walks Peggy, not noticing Benny or the state of her father at first.)
Peggy: Father? Oh! Hello Benny, where is my father?
Benny (pointing to the chair, and stuttering): I-I-I killed him. (Peggy rushes to the chair) I d-d-don’t know what happened. W-w-we were talking and he got angry. H-h-he got a funny look on his face and then went limp. Oh god, I’ve killed him.
Peggy (hugs Benny): This was no fault of your own, my love. What were you arguing about with him to cause him to anger so?
Benny: I asked for his blessing on our love and marriage. He refused.
Peggy: I see. What do you suppose we should do?
Benny: Well we had better call the authorities.
Peggy: No! They will drag you off to jail. No, I have a better idea, we will cover it up.
Benny: What!?
Peggy: It’s the only way to insure your safety.
Benny: But won’t he be missed if he just disappears? How will we be able to explain his whereabouts?
Peggy: That’s easy. Ill just tell anyone who wants to know that he suddenly decided to go live abroad in India, and left me in charge of the estate in his absence. My father has always been known for his impulsiveness, so no one will question it.
Benny: Ok, but how will we hide the body?
Peggy: Hmm. I hadn’t thought about that. Ah! I have it. Go and fetch your wheelbarrow and a burlap sack. Be sure that no one sees you.
Benny: Yes my love.
(Benny leaves the room.)
Peggy (to herself): what a mess we’ve gotten ourselves into. Sorry about this father, but I feel it is for the best.
(Benny returns with the wheelbarrow and a large burlap bag)
Peggy: Ok help me lift him into the wheelbarrow. (They heave him in but the wheelbarrow tips over, the right the wheel barrow and this time it stays when they put him in. Benny begins to cover Mr. Donovan with the sack.) Make sure to cover all of him, we want to make sure he can’t be seen.
Benny: where are we going to take him?
Peggy: to the garden of course.
(They both exit and the stage goes dark. When the stage brightens again they renter, and appear to be wiping dirt and grime from their hands.)
Peggy: Now this mess is solved. You know what I have just now realized?
Benny: what my dear?
Peggy: We can be married now and there will be no one to stop us. We can live the rest of our lives in peace, love, and wealth on my father’s estate. We have no more fears, and we don’t have to hide our love from the world any longer. We are free!
Benny (smiling): Shall we set a date for the wedding then?
Peggy (also smiling): Yes, we shall. How do you feel about a spring wedding?
Benny: That sounds wonderful.
(They embrace, and the stage goes dark)