Wrong Signal

Aug 11, 2008

Hi my name is Frank Snails, I'm a 31 year old software engineer from Lathan, Ohio. My job is to calculate different bridge stress indicators with state-of-the-art equipment. I often use other people's stories in place of my own. My life is uninteresting. I was never a great person, but I thrived to be someone else my entire life. I have been it all. I have been a doctor. I have been a lawyer. I have been a criminal. I have been a saint. I have pretended I was a lunatic. I have pretended I had mental instabilities. My life can be summed into three words. Post Dramatic Stress, from when I saved those three children from the fire downtown last week. I have had a great family all my life, but my parents died in a car wreck when I was very young. I lived alone most of my life. I invented the vibrating razor. I cut myself shaving this morning. I am nervous about today. My law firm has its first big case. O'Neily vs. Clark. I picked 7 of the 12 jurors. I played golf with the judge last week. He won't remember me if you mention my name, just tell him "Bubba" said Hello. I've never done this before, but I know more about it than you. I exaggerate a lot. I try to keep as close to the truth as possible. I love the Lord, he provides so much to me! God Dammit, where are my socks . I ask for non-smoking in a restaurant. I hate smokers. I smoke when I drink. It's going to be a rough day in the mine today, Ralph said it's going to be over a hundred and ten degrees down there. I lost three buddies to heart attacks last year. My mother says I should lay off the calories. My father died of Cancer. Mommy says I'll be Twelve next week. I hope she'll pay my rent. I deliver pizza's on the weekends. I lost my license, with a DUI. I drove for Mikey the other night, I told him alcohol was bad. It's a good thing I never drink that nasty stuff. Dad was mowing his lawn next week. I like cat-fish. My anti-depressant medicine is about to run out. I had a grand mile seizure today. I remember everything. What was that called? Meth? Meth smells like happy! I talk in my sleep. I have nightmares every night. Usually they involve my old dog spike. He died 3 weeks ago. I am taking him for a walk today.

I am a Writer, I write stories.
I am a liar, and a thief.
I am a whore, and I entertain.

If writers were really all those people.