Confessions of an aging quarterlifer, Part #1

Jul 02, 2008

Writing scares me,it's not about ability or talent but about saying something and knowing that it is open for others to see.Although an intentionally honest person since earliest memories much of my style of living has been less than candid.To me this seems to have provided the grounds for growing away from the inner self.As a child my family was materially poor,it was something to feel ashamed about,something to avoid in conversations,just one example of a myriad of societal influences that 'helps' to mold who or what we are.An early losss,a continental move,an alien culture, at a very early age(10) became the palate from which I grew.Not having a mother was very hard to deal with so suppression was an intrigal part of survival.Acting 'normal' by not mentioning or alluding to the differences was a tool like a paddle in the water pushing on my canoe of goals and expectations to an other place.
Fast foreword to the present,to the here and now and the reason for being here.Today while listening to a vlog here on life,reincarnation,existentialism... it occurred to me that much has changed since signing up at qL.This awareness has caused me to realize that in many ways the presentation I have made here is incomplete,it is misleading and more suggestive than infact balanced.
The only way I can think of,of how to paint a clearer picture is to begin a written monologue.Calling it confessions seems appropriate inso far as this title reminds me that if the words come too easy they are likely simple distortions,insubstantial and thus irrelivent and a waste of time.
There are a few of you whom I am pleased to say are in a very real way (new) friends.It is my hope that in future 'confessions' those that wish will feel free to say anything they wish,fair or foal with what ever I write.It is not possible for me start at the present with out a chronologial autobiographical beginning.Even if nobody reads this it is important for me to get it down and possibly move on a little further from or embrace it,what ever the realigned self decides is most appropriate.