I'm not so lucky...after all.

Mar 25, 2008

For a good while now, I’ve classified myself as a lucky girl. Everything I want seems to go my way, I can’t complain about anything. I can’t complain about my life and where its heading. I thought I am so sure about everything, and now I’m stuck. Perhaps its the ability of people to change so quickly. Often times I try to hold on to something so tightly but before I know it, its gone. I am faced with a choice at the moment, its a difficult one and I fear the unknown. I don’t know what would happen when I let go. Would I be happier? Would I be able to find that person I lost a long time ago? Would I regain self trust and perhaps find solace somewhere else? I look at our pictures together. I watch the videos: silently staring, grasping his smiles, touching the kisses that weren’t there any longer. I feel like I’m holding to the person I met a long time ago... the one who captured my heart, but now.... I don’t know him anymore... I try to reason out and explain to him, but he can’t seem to hear me. He used to make me feel special, but now talk to me condescendingly and then tries to justify his actions making them appear to be my fault. I thought this time... this is it... how quickly things change. I’ve lost myself within him. I guess I’m not so lucky.. after all.


defeated,
Rika