Am I just really retarded? Or is it other people?

Let's start again.
Hi my name is Sarah (real name) and I'm a musician.I write songs and record them myself.I've got an agent that pays me to play crappy gigs (most of the time) and I'm 30.The last ten years have gone by so fast that I'm concerned for the next ten.So I do what I love to do,surround myself with positive cool people and play gigs yet I still feel desparately alone.I'm on a few dating sites but they just make me feel like a number and I end up feeling like shit.This isn't how it was sepose to be.I thought I'd be famous by now and living in San Fransisco in my own apartment with a rainbow coloured piano (ok I was 17 when I had that dream).Like in the film 'A Tale of a City'.I know it was based on a book but Olympia Dukakis totally shone in her role as the eccentric landlady.I wanted and still want that sort of free spirited,creative life.I'm trying to create and live it in Sydney but it's very limiting.
By anyway.....I recently met a guy 5 years my junior who I could have fallen for.I remember him lieing on his bed telling me about a screenplay he was writing and just thinking that this is how it's sepose to be,I deserve this guy.But he soon changed his mind about me.I don't know why as he won't tell me.I miss him.But he's such a sociopath.
So there you go.I don't understand why no one wants me.I'm not being self pitying either.This pattern has happened all year.It starts out hot and goes cold even faster.I'll be the first to admit that I'm a very passionate opinionated person but to tone that down would be to sell myself out and I can't do that. So do I hang on? Do I stop looking? Do I turn my whole peronality off for the benefit of not being alone?Do I compromise??? It's all too hard.
Why can't some fabulous guy appear out of my microwave while I'm defrosting something? Like a genie.Damn I'd make use of those three wishes....