Rotterostinitis

Apr 28, 2008

Once upon a time I had this crazy awesome disease called Rotterostinitis. Its this disease where you become to Asian for your own good and your bones inflame giving you super-human powers. I have no idea how I got this disease because i was not born Asian, I was born white/Hispanic. So everyone knows, I blame Nick Rotter for my catching of this disease. If I hadn't known him for these past three years, I would not have Rotterostinitis.
Anyways, that doesn't even matter. The fact is that I did have this disease. I enjoyed having it except for the horrible pain I had to deal with while my bones were inflaming and the kids at school started calling me fat when really I was just big boned. Other than that I felt like the new Batman excpet cooler, without the car, and well I am a female.
Being the cooler female Batman caused by a disease I blame Nick for, I did have villains to take care of. Like that Trix bunny. On TV he makes it look like he is trying to get a box of his Trix cereal,but I know that it is just his cover-up for kidnapping those kids. I believe to this day that Trix was putting chemicals in the cereal in order to take over the kids' minds and use them to become the next Nazi army to take over the United States. Of course I had no proof, but I know that this Trix bunny had that plan.
The first time I met up with this Mr. Trix I used my super-human Asian powers to whack him unconscious. Okay, I lied. I really just threw a rock at the back of his head and he blacked out long enough for me to benjie him. Yeah, Mr. Trix got benjied. I taped him to the underside of and eighteen wheeler as a warning for him to stop kidnapping kids.
Mostly I wanted him to stop kidnapping the kids because some of their faces disturbed me. I couldn't look at a milk carton after taking a gulp of milk without spitting it right back out. I mean some of those kids are just plain ugly. A lot of them are missing teeth and have bad haircuts which scare me. I don't see how people think that is cute.
However all of this is besides the point. My warning for Mr. Trix did not work. I know this because some steroid popping officers pulled me into court so Trixie could file a restraining order against me. He claimed to notbe kidnapping kids to make a Nazi army, and, since I had no proof, Trix won. He got his restraining order.
With this new restraining order, I knew I would have to be sly the next time I tried to get anywhere near that bunny. Come on now, after one visit from steroid popping officers you don't want another one. Late one evening I picked my time of attack so I could blend into the dark, well as much blending someone with inflamed bones could do.
After about thirty minutes of searching through Berry Woods I found the entrance into Trix's lair (which was really just one oversized bunny hole). I was in the middle of doing my version of the army crawl (that looks more like someone trying to do the worm, but looks more like a fish out of water) when i heard something like rocks falling behind me. Of course I turn around like any other idiot instead of trying to keep "crawling" forward. Rocks had been falling. A few small ones at first, but then this massive boulder fell and blocked off my way out.
"Great. That's what I get for being big boned. The frickin' hold can't even hold up."
Suddenly a huge bunny arm grabbed me and pulled me through the hole. Trix began to pummel me whacking me head to toe with his big feet and laughing hysterically as he threw cereal kernals at me. Obviously he was still mad at me for benjying him.
"OW- that hurts you big stupid rabbit... stop it- you are really beginning to make me mad and that won't be good for you."
"Shut UP!" He screamed as he kicked me again in my ribs.
"Alright that's it you dummy." I picked myself up off the ground which was really hard. I still wasn't used to my size.
I tried to take the crane stance so I would look cool like Jet Li, but I fell over knocking into this table that had this weird looking spoon on it. When I looked up, I saw Trix holding a spoon just like the one in my hands except his had some lighted pole coming out of it. I picked up one of the spoons, that was now by my feet, just because i thought I might look cool if I was able to make the light come out of it when Trix came running at me with his spoon held high screaming like some locust on crack.
I quickly pressed some button I hadn't seen before and the light came out of the top right before Trix was able to bring his spoon down upon me. I easily blocked it though I truely have no idea how to fight with some kind of lighted sword. Or any sword as a matter of fact, but this was the first time I had seen anything like this spoon.
I kicked Trix off me with my right leg causing him to fly back and hit the wall.
"Ugh." I heard Trix groan. He was getting up slowly so I brought the lighted spoon down on the table I had previously knocked into.
"Whoa! I want one of these!" The spoon had sliced the table in half.
"Ahhhh!" Trix was running at me again when he tripped over his big bunny feet. The dummy had been carrying the spoon and hd managed to cut off his right arm from the elbow down.
Picking himself up he said, "It is merely a flesh wound. I refuse to let you win and put me out of business."
Just to make him even more mad and because I am sadistic and think its funny I severed off his left leg. Trix fell back to the ground. he now had one appendage on each side of his bod and could not seem to pick himself up off the floor.
"Where are the kids you kidnapped?" I managed to say after giggling for a bit.
"What kids? I have no kids."
"Don't play games. I am not as stupid as you think."
At that moment I noticed a door I hadn't see before.
"Where does that go to?" I asked pointing at the door.
"Where does what go?"
"These two-year old games are getting old Trix." I severed his right leg. "What are you going to do now?"
"I can bite your toes off."
"Yeah, whatever." I walked towards the door and opened it. There was this huge bowl in the center of the room.
Some movement made me look up. There was Nick and Lucky the leprechaun from Lucky Charms hanging back to back from a rope connected to the ceiling somewhere.
"Hey guys. How's it hanging?" I couldn't help myself.
"Funny," Nick said, "Why don't you get us down? We found a cure for your disease, Caitlin."
"Alright." I dropped the light spoon and pulled out a small box of Berry Kix cereal from my pocket. I gulped it down pretty quickly. I got this tingly feeling in my arms and began scaling the wall.
I made it to the ceilig in a matter of seconds and I'll admit I wasn't so sure if I could hang upside down like a monkey in a tree and not fall considering my being big boned. I tried walking on the ceiling anyways. I was halfway over to where I needed to unlatch Nick and Lucky when I began falling to the floor.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" I ha been screaming for about two minutes when I realized I had yet to hit solid ground.
"CAITLIN!" Nick yelled over my screaming. "You are suspended in air."
"What the-" I opened my eyes because I had them closed tightly like a little baby. I was suspended in air. I did a flip taking advantage of the moment saying to Nick and Lucky, "look what I can do". I thought that was really cool so I attempted an air cartwheel, but I flipped over on my stomach instead.
"Hey Trix!" I called out to the bunny who had to hve done his version of the army crawl with one arm to be under me on the floor."Why am I suspended in the air, and, uhh, could you let me down? I'm a little queasy."
"What kind of dumb question is that? I rather keep you up there until the end of time or until I find a way to capture you so the police can arrest you." At the moment I was noticed something odd about Trix. His arm and legs started growing back. Slowly, yes, but still growing back.
"Hey, hey, hey now. That's unnatural Trix. Why are your appendages growing back? I severed them off for a reason you know."
"The chemicals that you claim are in my cereal aren't only just to take over kids' minds, but also to help them heal. So when I do try to overrun the United States government, and then after that slowly take over one country at a time that way I rule the world, my armies will only be hurt for a matter of tmie. They can regenerate themselves."
It was a little creepy. I kept looking at Trix's appendages growing and they looked funny. They looked scrawny at first, but then they got huge and muscular. I was doomed...or was I?
"Trixie, dide, are you ever going to let me down, man? Can't we fight this out like normal people that way I can whoop your butt or you can call it quits before I have to kill you?"
"Plllllleeeeaaaaaassssssssseeeeeee spare me. Who were you before you got fat? Nobody. What makes you think you can take me on when I have been around for years and you just happened to come out of nowhere? You can't. So I can prove my point..." I fell to the ground.
"Ow! That was cheap! And I am not fat. I am big boned thank you." I looked up at Nick as if to blame him for my being this way. He just looked at me with a blank expression.
I began to run at Trix when he jumped at me and we both flew backwards eventually landing on the ground and rolling in a tussel. I was throwing random punches which probably looked like a little girl flailing her arms because she knows no better when I managed to hit him really good in the eye.
"CRAP! I am on TV almost all the time and you HAD to hurt my face?! Do you have no decency?"
"We are fighting. What did you expect you oaf?"
Oaf probably wasn't the best thing to call him because he all of a sudden picked me up and threw me against the side of the big bowl centered in the middle of the room. Trix was winding up his arm to punch me in the face so I turned around to see if I could scarle the wall of the bowl. I could so I kept climbing until I was at the top.
When I was standing on the edge of the bowl looking into it I noticed that the Trix cereal in the bowl was different than the actual Trix cereal that came in the boxes in the grocery stores. It was glowing.
"This must have massive doses of chemicals in it." I said to myself. I looked around the room to see if there wassome way for me to break the bowl and let the contents spill out. I guess it was a bit convenient that the rope connected to Nick and Lucky happened to be connected to a pulley that was connected to different mechanisms holding th bowl together. I jumped up to hold on to Nick's feet to see if my weight would do anything to the rope. That was a no. All the while Trix had been shooting these light balls at me from this weird gun that, like the spoons, I had never seen before.
I began swinging the three of us back and forth hoping not to get hit by one of the light bullets. There was a nook in the wall that I was attempting to get us too. Nick and Lucky helped out as much as they could while being hit with the bullets which just stung and felt like acid drops on your skin. Not too comfortable.
We made it to the nook and I cut them free of the rope. I guess that wasn't a good thing for Trix because he screamed. "NOOOOO!" The rope fell loose and so did everything holding that cereal bowl together. Trix about drowned in his own concoction. From the nook I was standing in I amyfied Trix. Like it wasn't bad enought he almost overdosed on his own drugs. He now has pink hair and a horrible stutter.
"Caitlin," Nick began saying, "here is your cure. Lucke and I found the antiserum in the marshmallows in his Lucky Charms cereal."
"I knew Trix wasn't a good guy and had always wondered if he was up to something bad so I began using my leprechaun powers to come up with different cures in my cereal that way if the kids that had eaten his cereal then ate my Lucky Charms they would be fine."
"Cool. Let me have those marshmallows." I took a couple of them out of Lucky's hand and chewed them up. Nothing happened at first so I asked, "When will I be cured?"
"It takes about an hour. Go finish your business with Trix and Nick and I will be outside waiting for you."
With that I used another one of my powers to put an invisible cover over my body hat way if the Trix cereal was to touch me I wouldn't be affected by it. I climbed down to Trix who was laying on the floor in the fetal position unable to move. I tied him up with the rope I had previously cut Nick and Lucky from.
"Where is another way out? Nick and Lucky got out because Lucky can make both of them small and fit through cracks. I cannot do that. Tell me."
"I d-don't have a-a-another wa-way out."
"Dangit!" I began dragging Trix behind me heading back to the hole I had originally come through. To my surprise the boulder that had blocked my out before was no longer there. Lucky saved me again.
When we made it back out of Berry Woods and back to the main road it was only a matter of minutes before the police showed up. I wasn't happy to see them, but Trix was being arrested. Nick had contacted the copsand told them that there wasa secret room that had all the kidnapped kids in it. Twenty minutes later kids were running out of the bunny hole. Lucky told them all to eat Lucky Charms when they got home so they could be cured. Our deed was done.
I made it home that night and crashed out in my room. I did have school the next day. When I woke up the next morning, ever though I shouldn't have been surprised, I was. I looked in the mirror and saw my old self again. It was exciting. I made it to school right before the first bell rang and met up with Nick.
"Like being normal again?"
"Yeah. How about next time you try to avoid giving me any of your weird Asian diseases. okay?
"I'll try my best. At least Trix is locked up now."
" Yeah, but it is only a matter of time before he gets out on bail. He won't actually have to go to prison if he has a good enough lawyer."
"Oh, Lucky and I took care of that. Well, really, if was more Lucky than me."
"YES! I don't want to have to fight him again. He cheats."
We both began laughing and walked off to class. I guess it was just a coincidence that our first class was Creative Writing with Mr. Olson. I couldn't wait to write about this.