Destination: Comparison Land

Feb 28, 2008

Everyone loves a good vacation; I mean, what’s not to love about exploring new places, relaxing in a quiet and peaceful atmosphere, getting away from daily stressors, and enjoying new experiences? Unfortunately, most twenty somethings spend a lot of their time vacationing to the touristy, crowded, unhappy destination hotspot: Comparison Land. And believe me, it’s quite expensive!

Starting quite early in life we find ourselves being compared against others. It starts as early as the first visit to the pediatrician’s office when the doc tells our parents where we measure up in terms of weight and height. As toddlers, we’re described as “cuter than…” In school, we’re introduced to the grading curve which ultimately put us against each other for those coveted spots in college. Upon entering the job market, once again we see our peers as competition. As twenty somethings continue to grow and create their own lives, they keep measuring and comparing, and many feel less than stellar that they are not where their friends are in terms of jobs, salary, looks, or relationships. The reality is that there will ALWAYS be someone that is better looking, smarter, richer, funnier, more successful and so on and sometimes those people are your friends! But, if you are cashing in your ticket to Comparison Land when you are with them, you’re turning what should be wonderful, supportive friendships into toxic relationships by feeling “less than.” Attempting to mirror your friends and using their goals as your own is demeaning and keeps you away from who YOU truly are and what YOU truly want. See, I told you Comparison Land was pricey and not a fun place to visit.

We typically pick our good friends (not party friends or work friends) based on one main criterion – who can we be our authentic self with? Friendship is about accepting not only your friends for whom and where they are at any moment in their lives, but also yourself. It’s not about keeping up or racing against each other to meet some external standard. Everyone’s life journey is different. Embrace yours and only yours and trust that you’ll be led down the correct path…for you.

You’re probably asking yourself how to acquire a one-way ticket out of Comparison Land. Well, here’s the answer and it’s pretty profound. Are you ready? The best way to stop comparing yourself to others is to JUST STOP! I understand that reading the answer might frustrate you because it seems so simple. The true frustration is figuring out how to just stop. If you spend a lot of time comparing yourself to others you’re going to be wasting an awful lot of energy that could be put to better use. It’s up to you to make the choice to not engage in the negative behavior of self comparison. Breaking that cycle now will allow you to redirect your focus on the positive aspects of your own life.

When you find yourself basking in the dark, gloomy shadows of Comparison Land try a few of these tips to make your visit shorter.

• First of all, acknowledge and accept the fact that you’ve started to compare yourself with others again. Catch yourself in the act and remind yourself you are on a vacation from hell!
• Look at the positive things in your life. If you’re having a hard time finding them, I recommend a gratitude journal. Sure it sounds cheesy, but it is a great way of keeping track of the positive things in your life. Trust me, putting things likes this in writing is one of the best ways to just stop.
• Remember that your path is your own and your friends’ paths are their own. They’re not supposed to be the same.
• Develop a plan for healthier behaviors concentrating on what you could do differently instead of what you could have done differently.
• Volunteering your time is a great way to stop obsessing about yourself.

Celebrate yourself and your life with everyone around you and know that living in the present and trusting that your path, and not the path of others, will lead you to greatness – and sanity!


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