my quarterlife crisis

Nov 29, 2007

I've been going through a lot lately... or maybe I haven't been and thats the problem. normally a 3rd year college student has a small hashing of friends by now. I... have not. well I did... most of them are either extremely busy all the time or we've lost touch. i've got 3 extremely close friends back home whom I can say anything to. we've all been through a lot together and it's brought us all a lot closer I think.
So there's that. then theres the problem of having really no physical interaction with a women in awhile. I'm not the type of person who just meets someone and goes for the kill and sleeps with them or anything. nothing close to that. in fact, i'm scared shitless of the idea even though I dream about it all the time. Just having someone that close. the day dreams are mostly those of laying in bed, all the blinds drawn with the sun beating on them. just laying around in bed all day with them. making pillow talk, being myself...I don't know. sometimes I feel i'm doomed to a life of loneliness.
there's also the fact that I'm out on my own. it's different..having a house. I still don't call it home. i've always held onto that idea (which came from Garden State) that home is just a group of people looking for that same imaginary place. I miss the closeness and easiness of just being able to walk down the stairs and asking my parents for anything.

Growing up is downright depressing and it's magnified when you feel you can't share it with someone close to you.

I feel like a retard going off like this. I've never really talked about stuff like this out loud. i'm not sure what else to say. I never do and I always seem to leave things in a strewn about mess.