qLife : Love : The Pick Up Artist (PUA)

Franchise: May 08, 2008 - 06:44 AM PST Hey Francis,

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That Doesn't Happen To Me Anymore

Here's a question I get a lot regarding bad
interactions with women,

"Brent, what do I say when a woman
says______________ or does_______________."

I'm sure you're really tired of my response, which
always starts out with,

"That doesn't happen to me anymore."

I mean, I'm supposed to be helping you...right? The
reason I do that is because I want you to focus on
the positive instead of the negative. The longer
you live in the world of "bad responses and
situations" the more they will happen.

Now, you're thinking,

"But Brent, they DO happen!"

I know, I know. But every time you repeat the
experience verbally or even as a thought in your
head, you're reliving it. And since your mind
doesn't know the difference between real and fake,
it assumes that whatever it hears is the law.
Stop focusing on what they're doing and keep the
focus on what you're doing and who you're being.

It's a very slippery slope when you focus on the
woman's bad response because, as men, we
subconsciously WANT the negative response (sounds
crazy doesn't it?) so we can prove how good we are
at turning the situation around. It goes back to
us liking only complicated situations or
situations that require a lot of effort because
we're taught to feel better only when we've
accomplished a difficult task.

Why do these situations happen?

There could be a few reasons such as you giving
off bad energy, or using what I teach you as a
technique to get something from her or maybe she
has her own issues that have nothing to with you.
Either way, obsessing about the "Why" for too long
is unproductive so instead just change the thought
you have about it. In other words, switch the
story to a positive outcome every time you relive
it.

So, from now on, take the simple path and you'll
be asking me the same question but it'll be in a
different context such as,

"Brent, what do I say when a woman says that she
wants to make out with me in the bathroom or is
trying undress me in a public place?"

Try it and let me know what happens!

Jays9lives: May 02, 2008 - 01:18 PM PST

I realize its a game. But I guess for me it'd be more along the lines of if he texted me or blew me off, I'd do the same to him. In my book, its common decency to return a call by calling, not texting. If a guy were to do that to me (and thankfully it hasnt been done yet) I'd stop contact with him. I feel its just rude. But hey, thats just me. If I get the feeling that I'm "unwanted" thats fine, just don't expect me to go along with the game.

BLA: May 02, 2008 - 11:28 AM PST

i hate text. i hate IM. i prefer calls, or just seeing people face to face. the game sucks, but its been played for ages. we arent going to change it.

greeneyeliner: May 01, 2008 - 09:20 AM PST Hmm, I can't say I approve of playing little mind games like that specifically just to make her feel unwanted. How about just not being obsessive with trying to hook up with her and being nice? Might just be crazy enough to work.

jha: May 01, 2008 - 06:32 AM PST

That's the point. The guy pretends the girl is just another girl and that he's got better things to do than talk to her. So the theory is that the more uninterested the pursuer seems, the more interested the pursued becomes because the pursued thinks something is wrong with herself and that he's something special for not worshiping her.

It's a game. It's a bunch of BS, but it works.

PS I'm an anti-texter too.

Jays9lives: April 30, 2008 - 03:36 PM PST I'm sorry but that last one with the text messaging would really piss me off. I'd kinda see it as if the guy were blowing me off. But, I'm one of those weird people who hates text messaging.

mistercool: April 30, 2008 - 12:23 PM PST
I know buddy - I was just being a wise ass.

Not that you need it ... I wish you luck with your love interest(s).

Patience is a virtue ...

... but I want it right now!

Franchise: April 30, 2008 - 11:38 AM PST

I don't use this treasure trove of knowledge for aspiring PUAs. I just leave it here so others might make use of them. Don't have time to go around picking up women. I have enough trouble as it is trying vainly getting one of the two girls I'm interested in to go out with me. It looks promising though. Despite sending her an e-mail divulging my crush for her, she called me last night and apologized for not being available. She's thinking of not taking the summer off so she can get her classes over and done with as soon as possible. Plus which her clinicals, and hospital work keep her very well occupied. Don't know how long my patience will last, but I can't wait for the day we finally get to see each other.

mistercool: April 30, 2008 - 10:41 AM PST I guess this is okay if you like playin' games.

If you don't want someone to call you ... don't give them your number.

Franchise: April 30, 2008 - 12:37 AM PST To receive a complimentary e-mail, visit www.absolutepowerdating.com

Stop Answering and Returning Calls

There is no longer any reason to answer the phone
when a woman calls you or return her call
when she leaves you a message. You know that I'm
always pushing the envelope, so this new
development should not surprise you; but you're
probably thinking, now Brent has finally
gone over the edge.

What should you do?

Text message, of course. I love text messaging
because it's totally impersonal and there's
no reason to be personal with a woman you don't
know.

When a woman calls, let it go to your voice mail.
This will make you seem unavailable.

Then, listen to her message and simply text your
reply.

So if her message is,

Her: Hey Brian, It's Karen from the other night.
I'm just calling to see what you're up to.
Talk to you later.

You simply text a message describing what you're
doing like,

You: Working, U?

By texting your reply you will be conveying that
this is how you communicate and she will
probably switch to it, instead of calling you.

Here's the rest,

Her: Just hangin out.

You: Cool

The idea here is to text very short messages.
Again talk about nothing until you pull more
out of her and she asks you out. You want her to
know, right away, that she will be pursuing
YOU!

Here's another example:

Her: What's up for Friday?

You: Going to The Lounge with some friends.

Her: What time?

You: Around 9pm

Do not ask her to join you. If anything, tell her
that she can stop by if she wants.

Remember, you don't want this to be a date.

Here's an actual text string that I have on my
phone:

Her: Hi Brent, do you remember meeting me, Tanya,
the other night? I was one of many girls
you were talking to. Anyways, i was wondering
what kind of cologne you had on? If any.

Me: Deep.

Her: Is that really the name?

Me: Yes.

Her: You didn't seem like a man of few words the
other night. Cat got your tongue?

I did not respond to this text.

Then she called and left a message on my voice
mail that said,

Her: Hey, It's Tanya. I'm sitting here drinking
some wine wondering if you want to come
over.

She's trying to get me on the phone, which will
never happen.

Now, I text the response:

Me: Can't. Tomorrow's better. Your place, what
time?

Her: Um, it depends on what time I finish at work.
I'll let you know.

The next day.

Her: Hey, I just got home. What's up? Maybe we
should meet somewhere. I think my sister
might come over later.

Here's where it gets interesting and you'll want
to pay close attention to how I handle
this.

Me: Working. Maybe we'll try again next week.
Was up for staying in and having wine.

Her: I hope you're not upset.

Me: Make it up to me.

Later that night, I get this text.

Her: What are you up to? You should have come
by-just for a drink.

I do not respond.

Next day:

Her: Wine tonight, my place?

Me: Sounds good.

Her: What time do you want to come over?

Me: 8:30

Later I get this text

Her: Do you still want to come...by?

Me: Address?

Her: She gives me the address

Me: I'll come by at 9.

And the rest, you'll have to imagine.

Next morning I get this text

Her: Did you have fun last night?

Me: Who is this?

Her: Tanya, stupid!

Me: Can you be more specific?

Her: What?

Me: Just kidding. Yes, it was fun.

Franchise: April 25, 2008 - 09:50 AM PST Excuse Me, Do You Have Permission?


You remember it. The piece of paper your teacher
handed you that said something like,

"We're going on a field trip next Friday."

Then, you were told that all you needed to do was
take it home, get your parent's signature and you
could go; you crossed your fingers hoping not to
hear the word "No".

Then, there were the notes your parents had to
write when you missed school for some reason such
as being sick or being out of town. It was called
an "Excuse".

For obvious reasons, the above are good procedures
when you're a child. But, it doesn't stop there.

When you're an adult it's,

"I need to ask my girlfriend/wife if I can go out
with you guys".

And, hoping she doesn't say no.

Then there's the ever popular "Doctor's note" in
order to cancel your flight, miss work or cut
class.

So when it comes to being successful with women,
you're still asking someone for permission, afraid
of hearing, "No" and then making excuses.

Who are you asking?

Certainly, you're asking women. But more
importantly, you're asking yourself, your
sub-conscious, your inner voice or whatever you
want to call it. Stop asking yourself for
permission to be successful with women.

You all have a universal permission slip that you
can use any time you want. The problem is that
even though you might fill it out, you're still
waiting for someone else to sign it. You're adults
now and can sign it any time you want.

So here's what I want you to do:

Take out a piece of paper and write the words
"Permission Slip" at the top. Then fill it out
with all the things you want.

***Now, here's the important part***

SIGN IT YOURSELF.

You now have permission; you're hearing "Yes"
and you have no more excuses.

Let me know what happens!

Franchise: April 14, 2008 - 04:28 PM PST A friend I met through Myspace (Brent @ www.absolutepowerdating.com) who has been sort of like a dating coach/mentor sends me these tips through e-mail. I thought I'd share it with any potential PUAs out there. Please note that I am not an official PUA myself. I specialize in making connections and helping others make them as well.

(To sign yourself up for this complimentary e-letter, visit www.absolutepowerdating.com

Hey Francis,

I Can't Believe You Remembered My Name

My clients are often amazed at the amount of names I can remember when we're out. I'm greeting everyone and making introductions. Remembering names and using them is incredibly powerful and if you can master this it will set you apart from almost everyone else. When you remember someone's name they're flattered and impressed. You make them feel important and special. Remembering names also shows that you're listening, builds rapport and helps overcome the natural barriers that separate people who don't know each other. How do you do it? * Focus on the moment of introduction. Make direct eye contact, smile, and extend a firm (not limp and not vice grip), friendly handshake. Holding on for an extra second can help you focus on the critical moment of introduction and what is about to come next...their name. * Don't think about what to say-listen for the name. Concentrate your complete attention and listen. If you missed the name, simply say, "I missed your name" or "I didn't catch your name". If the name is unusual, a foreign name, or you're still not sure what they said, ask: "Can you spell your name for me? I want to make sure I get it right." * Repeat the name aloud. By repeating it, you think it, say it, and then hear it again, giving you three more repetitions in addition to hearing the name the first time. Repetition is one of the keys to retention and recall. * Think of someone you know with the same name. Lock in on the first person who comes to mind and think of that same person each time you meet someone new with that name. * Use the name during and at the end of the conversation "Jenny, when you said that you..." "John, what made you decide to ..." "Debbie, it was great hearing about your trip to..." "Ken, it was great chatting with you." Using their name personalizes the conversation as it reinforces your memory and ability to recall it the next time you see them. Ending it with their name leaves a great first impression and completes the cycle of starting, continuing, and ending a conversation. If you perform these mental operations all the time, your ability to recall first names will improve tremendously. The, when you see people you've met before and you use their names, they'll say, "I can't believe you remembered my name!" The rapport that comes from remembering someone's name allows people to instantly like you. As a result, a good conversation will probably begin spontaneously, and you'll both feel good about talking to each other. And that's just the beginning.

Franchise: April 07, 2008 - 10:01 AM PST

Yeah. Definitely the movie Swingers. John Favreau's character is all jacked up over his broken relationship. They were together for six years and it messed him up good. All his friends keep telling him he's money and he doesn't even know it. But he can't get passed his ex and messes up his chances with girls by telling them the same sob story over and over.

A PUA would be able to pick up the pieces and move on. He remembers that he is a bear with claws like the following scene in Swingers.

Trent: You know what you are? You're like a big bear with claws and with fangs...
Sue: ...big fucking teeth, man.
Trent: Yeah... big fuckin' teeth on ya'. And she's just like this little bunny, who's just kinda cowering in the corner.
Sue: Shivering.
Trent: Yeah, man just kinda... you know, you got these claws and you're staring at these claws and your thinking to yourself, and with these claws you're thinking, "How am I supposed to kill this bunny, how am I supposed to kill this bunny?"
Sue: And you're poking at it, you're poking at it...
Trent: Yeah, you're not hurting it. You're just kinda gently batting the bunny around, you know what I mean? And the bunny's scared Mike, the bunny's scared of you, shivering.
Sue: And you got these fucking claws and these fangs...
Trent: And you got these fucking claws and these fangs, man! And you're looking at your claws and you're looking at your fangs. And you're thinking to yourself, you don't know what to do, man. "I don't know how to kill the bunny." With *this* you don't know how to kill the bunny, do you know what I mean?
Sue: You're like a big bear, man.

jane: April 03, 2008 - 12:02 AM PST

You love being corrected don't you?

lorcas: April 02, 2008 - 11:53 PM PST I don't think being a PUA is wrong. I mean in order for someone to be seduced..they have to want to be seduced a PUA should be more then a line...it's an entire aura you release. you create an atmosphere of mystique and pleasure.

MEOutLoud: April 02, 2008 - 08:31 PM PST

Both of you seemed to capture all I would have to say on the subject.

dex2988: April 02, 2008 - 08:16 PM PST

good call. definitely a reference to when Mikey was upset about his girl back east and didn't realize he was so money, which is why he was screwing up his chances with the beautiful babies in vegas.

trenchael: April 02, 2008 - 08:13 PM PST

I think he was referencing the movie "Swingers" and not the lifestyle... though i could be wrong.

mistercool: April 02, 2008 - 07:58 PM PST Since the dude's wife/girlfriend was cheating or wanted to "swing", I'm more apt to think he won "the game".

dex2988: April 02, 2008 - 06:36 PM PST tell one of these fine women to holla atcha boy then!

Franchise: April 02, 2008 - 06:29 PM PST I know a few women who are just aggressive as us guys. They're the ones who seek the guys who can talk to them confidently and use the proper pick up operating procedures to get them up and going for some good times. It's all about the law of attraction coupled with the art of seduction.

BLA: April 02, 2008 - 05:52 PM PST It seems like you wait for women a lot...

dex2988: April 02, 2008 - 05:40 PM PST And once again, I'm waiting for a woman to correct me on my generalization regarding the ENTIRE gender.

BLA: April 02, 2008 - 05:37 PM PST Good point.

dex2988: April 02, 2008 - 05:35 PM PST Nothing wrong with that either. Girls want meaningless sex too. Maybe not as much as guys...DEFINITELY not as much as they'll admit in polite company, but a guy is totally kidding himself if he thinks women don't WANT to get picked up on occasion.