Blog #1

May 17, 2008

So i guess this is going to be more of a blog then anything. Kind of like an online journal i guess. Honestly if i ever tried to even keep a journal or diary, my parents or even my friends who snoop through my room would find it and just laugh at me for having one. Great friends huh?

Well, I havent been able to talk to anyone for a really long time. I feel like i have lost all hope, that ive lost all .. whats the word? wanting to do something, anything. I just cant get motivated, thats the word, for even the smallest things. Im not depressed or anything its just that. Okay, i just feel like, well.. I trust people really easily, and now i think that everyone at my school knows that. That they take advantage of that. Its like i cant figure out even who my real friends are. And trust me, if anyone is reading this even, it sucks. Obviously i have my close friends, and summer is so close i can taste it, but just for right now, and for these last weeks i really just need someone to support me, that i can hang out alone, that i can call.. hmm seems like someones wishing for a boyfriend. good thing that will never ever happen.

I go to an all girl school, and have been since sixth grade. Trust me, when you're in a small-esk townish environment, and all private boy/girl school like recycle eachother.. it gets annoying fast, and not to mention that everone knows everyone! For example, i have a friend whose name will be LC and she was in a group of friends with 3 other girls and 4 boys, she went out with all 4 boys, and the 2 other girls went out with them too.. its just like pass the boy, pass the girl. Its like a game to alot of them. Which i find unnatractive. No offense to them or anything but if i had a boyrfriend i would much rather have him be for me, not have gone out with all my other friends.. you know?

Anywho, Yeah i know that im only a freshman, but seriously even just getting the name of being a "girlfriend" makes me want to have one, a boyfriend that is. You know a guy that doesnt just want ass from me. And trust me, im not the person to just give out "ass". Im prude, and im not ashamed. Im not going to give my body out like its free food. Oh and at my school, food is the equivalent to god, so thats a big deal. Anywho, I dont send pictures, ive only kissed like 2 guys, and i still have yet to make out. Its not because i dont want to, its more that i havent found that right guy. I want a guy that i actually care about.. not like my first attempt. Which was the most embarrassing moment of my life.

Probally want to know what that is right? Well.. its really late, but ill update in the morning..

and god, i got really off topic.