BORDERLINE

February 9, 2008

I've been diagnosed "borderline"
and with that sentenced to a lifetime of blurry vision
Though it wasn't my decision
to be 20 and disfunctionial
M O R E alcohol
Cuz that was the only way to cope
when I was 13
beginning my high school thing
and he came back
Enter "Attachment Disorder"
See, biological was just a man,
one I knew but didn't kno.
Cuz he was always doin coke.
And somewhere between his drunkin jokes
lie the screames that he beat out of me,
my mother, my brother, my dreams
But I wish that he'd beat my memories
cuz then my current dreams
wouldn't be filled with screams from then
And this vision in my head
of getting out of bed
2 years old 2 in the morning
hearing my daddy's laugh
only to see that it's been
tainted by the white powder and
that razor blade
but I must share his DNA cause
A razor blade became my best friend.
That was the only way to cope
when I was 17 at
Dillard University, New Orleans
Enter "Major Depressive Disorder"
I was constantly haunted by the incessant replay of these two men
collectively raping me of all my worth.
honestly believeing that I wasn't good enough for God
but I still had to make my mother proud
so with each rage filled tear to my fore arm or my thigh
I would sigh a sigh of relief cuz I could finally breathe
yet confined to the demanding prision of me
so I began to seek help
with my sight becoming clearer
I decided to put my secret to rest
upon hearing of my best friends death
it was ressurected
I quit school came home and
burried my head in the sand of sorrow
despretely slicing trying to end another tomorrow
until I put down that blade and picked up a pen
then
I slowly began writing again
cuz this is the only way to cope
for a 20 year old who's disfunctionial.