blowing em candles

Mar 12, 2008

tis true, tis true i will be celebrating my birthday in just a few days. and for the past 5 birthdays, this sinking feeling surrounds the days before the big day. it comes from a lot of soul searching, coming to terms with my mistakes and successes that lead me here. it's examining my body and seeing my life marked on my flesh. i consider the people i have surrounded myself with, the people that still touches my heart and those that drifted into distant memories. i think about love, my mother and my brother, my far away father, my best friends and the man i have yet to meet. i think of all that i have learned and the details i have chosen to retain. things i gave up to gain something else. i wonder about my life and where i want it to go. there was so much promise when first entering life. but even the first breath signifies mortality. sometimes i wish i can lose this constant feeling that i never measure up. this week my horoscope alludes to venus being in my house or some thing like that. which means a promise of new beginnings and love and all that jazz. i suppose i need to be patient because i am at home right now waiting for my nails to dry from painting it gold, and afterwards i will finish the painting i have started about a woman and a man and the distance that binds them. and, ever so often i will take a break from my painting and tidy up around the house and continue reading my book called,"an artist of the floating world" which i had picked up sunday afternoon at my favorite bookstore i hardly visit anymore since i have moved from the neighborhood. all the while brooding over the events of last monday in which things fell into place then fell apart once more. but enough about that. i need to get going before the night is through and my eyes threaten to close.