I don't know if anyone will read this but....

February 24, 2008

Ever since I've started college, I feel like my life changes again every semester. Some things stay the same, but my day to day, who I spend my time with, how I feel about them, my job, everything changes. Sometimes its for the good and sometimes its for the bad but overrall I feel like my life has no security here. I can't depend on my routine, or the people who are involved in it because they might not be around in a few more months. The friends I spend almost all of my time with when I'm not with Sean, at work, or class change all the time. When I first came here I had my group of friends and I always seemed to have something to do. However, when I broke up with my boyfriend at the time (we'd been dating for 3 years) everything changed. I took it out on some of them and a lot of them just didn't want to be there for me. It was too much to have to talk me through it. Eventually I recovered and made my own way again but this time it was without that group that I had been so close to before. Then spring semester I spent the majority of my time alone, working, or with a new guy I had started dating at the time (who is now my current boyfriend). Fall I ended up with a new group of friends and spent most of time with them, however when we decided to get a house together money issues cause a lot of tensions between us, and I ended up not talking to one of the girls who I had been friends with since high school anymore. I still had friends and people to talk to but it wasn't the same after that. And before things could get any better she transferred to another school in Virginia. Now, I'm starting to hang out with another group of girls, and mixed friends here and there. I spend time with my boyfriend, school is going okay, my job seems to be okay thought time conflicts are becoming an issue between when they want me there and when I have class. But I wonder ow ling things will stay this way and if next year I'll be starting all over again....again.


I really just hate the instability of my life at the moment, though sometimes I tend to get bored of routine, I more or less want things to stay as they are if I'm happy with where they are.