Emo, Psychobilly, or Thieving Bandits?

Mar 29, 2008

List: "Bands and/or Associations of Thieving Bandits That I Think Should Exist," Entries 1 - 50

As regards the following list:

A. Please determine for yourself whether the names below would be better suited as musical acts or as 19th-Century Trans-Europe Bandits. It makes little difference to me, although some will obviously tend towards one extreme or the other.

B. In the instance of the form "X (SINGULAR) and the Y (PLURAL)" the former name is that of the Lead Singer-Songwriter or Lead Guitarist / King of Thieves or Cultish Leader, while the latter refers to the Supporting Musicians or Backing Vocalists / Colorful Band of Motley Characters or Disfigured Hench-persons.

C. In general, it should be assumed that all single-word names are musical acts, although imagining instead that they are Victorian-era Nomadic European Criminals may lead to unintended but pleasant hilarity. For instance, "Bitchbreath" seems likely to describe a lesbian hard rock act, but would also be extraordinarily memorable were it the dread name of an all-female troop of marauding Catholic sisters, hellbent on the destruction of the Ottoman Sultanry. Likewise, any group name that seems ideally suited to the criminal organizations of centuries past should be considered equally as a possible title for a guitar-guitar-bass-keyboards-drums quintet performing in any number of popular idioms; while "Scythe Monk Francis & the Black Stallion Hoodbeasts" obviously lends itself more towards the thieving/illegal appropriations subcategory, one might choose to consider, as an intellectual exercise, whether or not such a title would serve, in a pinch, as the name for Portland, Oregon-based emo band.

And now, entries 1 - 50 of "Bands/Associations of Thieving Bandits that I Think Should Exist":

1. Vodkadong
2. The Auctionhouse Trio
3. Spendthrift Abby & Her Talented Peacocks
4. The Wastrel Band
5. Tickle Me Hellmo
6. Her Talented Peacocks
7. Blackface Don Johnson & the Marauders of the Orient
8. The Frenchest of Boys
9. Mungfish Dipstick
10. BeastLabor TonkaTruck
11. Foolhardy Princess & the Baltic Wilmas
12. That Far-off Cuba
13. Sniffmarker
14. The Polkashirt Accord
15. Clever Tundra (solo)
16. Clever Tundra & the Dovetail Nine
17. The Appalling Claude Barker
18. UnmercyBeak
19. Abacus of Fingernails
20. Political Goulash
21. A-Political Mustache
22. Democratical Eyelash
23. Gerald Feldspar & the Bovine Few
24. Harold the Donkey
25. Merv the Donkey
26. Mervo el Burro
27. Verisimilitude
28. Verisilimitude
29. Verilslimitude
30. Captain Sergeant & the Waste Management Bong Society
31. The White Clock Society
32. Doc White Clock & the White Clock Block
33. EatFool
34. WrathBone
35. FiddleStyx (bluegrass covers of Styx songs. Duh!)
36. The Catastrophic Hoop Skirt Fire
37. Commatack
38. Asj, or Baijan?
39. The DevilBritches
40. BiscuitKnickers
41. The Turkmenistani Huddle
42. NerdBlanket
43. Savageborn Thespin & the Murderblock Ramblage
44. DeathBoomShredderWhip
45. Serge Bellcastle & his Von Torquen Dark Wraithdarts
46. Vertical Nasty
47. The Dave Matthews Band
48. Zanthar Minibus
49. The Armed Spanish!
50. Fuckbolt

Further information:

Suggestions are welcome, although those submitting names hereby rescind any rights they have to not being ridiculed by me, in whose world the previous Bands and/or Associations of Thieving Bandits would exist. All previous Band / Associations of Thieving Bandits names are the sole property of one S. Matthew Fuller, Esq., and any use of these titles henceforth (from 9 November 2007) can occur only with the express written consent of myself and of Major League Baseball. Copyright violations may result in legal action and punitive damages, including not being invited to my birthday party.