Oregon? Boston? London? Bali? Morroco?

Apr 03, 2008

I think I might be addicted to moving. I am also addicted to traveling, but the moving thing is on a different level. I get nervous at the feeling of stability, but I yearn for it at the same time. I think it's the Tibetan/Mongolian blood on my Dad's side of the family. We're nomads. I have the need to uproot and move on every 6 months or a year. It's in my blood, but also in how I was raised. I was raised by two Sagittarian hippies. The need for change was inevitable. To this day, when I tell people all the places we've moved around to, people say 'you must be from a military family, eh?'...No. We just don't take vacations. We move. I mean, we're not as bad as military families I suppose, but we never move for one of my parents' jobs. We moved for a change of scenery.
Two months after my parents met in San Diego they discovered they both had an urge to live in Hawaii. So they moved to Maui. My mom became pregnant and lived the good life, being with child in the most beautiful place she's ever been, but she became home sick. My parents hopped a plane and moved back to San Diego after 8 months in Hawaii.
When I was 2 we moved to Idyllwild, California. I dyllwild is like traveling to another culture. It has an altitude around 5,000 feet above sea level. The locals call it "the hill." The population is around 5,000 as well. There are no stop lights, even now. There are no stationed cops. A Doctor visits 'the hill' once a week. The town is a combination of old hippies escaping the fast moving city of below, drug addicts escaping LA, crazies who migrated from Riverside, and young art students who attend Idyllwild Arts, which is one of the best kept secrets in the country.
When I was younger my parent would take "breaks" from each other. Since they were never officially married one couldn't really call it a seperation. There was no bitterness or hate towards one another. They just wanted to do there own thing for awhile. I would usually go with my mom. The first time, my mom and I went to Seattle, Washington where we stayed with my mom's dad. I was 7. My dad went to New Mexico, where his mom was. Four months later my mom realized she was done with being away from my dad. We moved to New Mexico for about 6 months. I don't know if I even went to school during that time. After those 6 months, we moved back to Idyllwild.
When I was 10 my mom's grandmother passed away and she decided she wanted to go back to the house she remembered spending so many great summers when she was growing up. So in October of 1997 we moved to Culpeper, Virginia. Spending my whole life up to that point on the west coast, the East Coast was like traveling to a foreign planet. I was going from 24-hour Mexican food restaurants I was so fond of in SoCal to pickled pigs feet. From ‘green’ Idyllwild where you were shocked to see a cigarette on the ground to Culpeper where a Marlboro is needed after the chicken fried steak and eggs breakfast. From Earth Day parades to Polaroids of a hunter and his dead deer posted on the Country Store wall. Fish Tacos and huevos rancheros to Pickled eggs and Scrapple (google it. You’ll feel so much more connected to the redneck culture).
When I was 12 I made it very clear I couldn’t take being in Virginia anymore. I felt so lonely and was labeled as the hippie from California. I had been taken out of public school a year earlier. My mom was appalled with the teaching methods and standards. No shit ma. Plus a few stunts from me made it clear I would be fucked if I stayed in public school. We moved back to San Diego. We lived in San Diego for 2 years before my mom followed her moving protocol, saying she missed the wide open spaces of our homestead in Virginia. She apparantly thought that Culpeper’s high school was somehow fantastic compared to the middle school across the street. I went to Culpeper County High School until I graduated three years later.
When everyone around me was thinking about which college they were going to apply to, I was planning the fastest way to get back to San Diego (big mistake as a side note. I so regret not going straight to college). I moved back to San Diego after graduation and moved in with a childhood friend. Okay, this story is boring and getting way too long.
After only 6 months in San Diego, I became insecure and lovesick towards a guy in Virginia that I had started seeing before I moved. So…I moved back to Culpeper in March of 2006.
In November of last year I decided to take a second shot at San Diego, after a short experiment with trying to move to San Francisco. So now, April of 2008...I’m stir crazy most days. I’m not seeing a future here in San Diego and I blame this blurry past of mine. My brother’s girlfriend is moving to Oregon. She’s been trying to convince my brother to move with her and for me to come too. Me being me I hear the word 'move' and I’m pulling out my luggage and boxes.
Is this healthy? When do I know that I should stay put? When Ashley said I should go to Oregon with them, I put it in the back of my mind, thinking Oregon isn't thrilling enough. I’ve had my mind set on moving to Boston or London for school for quite awhile. I think I pick those places because I dont't know a soul there.
The other night I was restless and feeling stuck in what I was going to do about school. I started looking around at schools that had environmental studies, photography, and international studies programs. I found one in Eugene, Oregon. Everything seems to add up for Eugene. The living situation would be heavenly with my brother and his girlfriend because we could find a 2 or 3 bedroom house for 800 dollars. University of Oregon has all three of the programs I’ve been thinking of. My brother and I could go back to school while his girlfriend works as a teacher. It’s close to Portland which I’ve always loved. Close drive to Seattle where I have family. But what happens when I move to Oregon and in 6 months I get stir crazy again? I’m sick of being a commitment-phobe. I want to go back to school so bad. I want to be happy. Honestly happy.
whos knows? June might bring the urge to move to Denver, Colorado for all I know.