Family

May 6, 2008 at 08:33 PST
The days were starting to get shorter.  The sun now decided to hide behind the bare trees at 4:30 instead of at 6:00. At this time of year children could be seen playing under the warm orange glow of the streetlights; their breathing could be seen far off into the distance on these cold chilly nights.
Lauren turned on the stove with abstract skillfulness; her mind was off in some other place.  She was getting dinner started because she was expecting guests.  Her in-laws were driving in from Spokane to have a meal with her family.  “Thank God, they weren’t going to spend the night” Lauren silently thought to herself.  As she made her way over to the refrigerator Lauren vowed not to let her emotions get the best of when her in-laws arrived.  She needed to be calm, cool, and collective if this visit was to go well.  She reached into the fridge and pulled out two ripe tomatoes, an onion, lettuce, and a cucumber.
As she chopped the vegetables she thought about her children playing outside with their friends.  There was her oldest son Ben who looked exactly like his father.  Would he grow up in his father’s image, reflecting more than his likeness but his passion for life?  Next there was her youngest son Paul.  He was the life and energy of the family; without him there were no boring moments.  Last but not least there was Patience, the youngest of the three.  Of course, she was the cute, curious 7 year old; the baby of the family.
As she peeled the skin off the onions she started to cry.  It was as if each layer she peeled was a part of her soul.  There she was falling apart right onto the cutting board.  With every slice of the knife, she felt like she was getting stabbed in the heart repeatedly over and over again.
As she turned around still weeping, she jumped in fright.  Poor little cute patience had witnessed the whole ordeal.
“Mommy, why are you crying?”
“It’s the onions, they make my eyes tear up.” Patience wiped the tears from her mother’s eyes then said.
“It’s ok mommy, it’s ok to cry.” She then gave her mother a hug and a kiss and walked out of the kitchen, to put her jacket away.
Lauren stood frozen under the bright fluorescent light of the kitchen.  It was as if her daughter had pierced her soul; were they one in the same; did she really know why she was crying.  Lauren had to get herself together; her in-laws would be at the house in less than 2 hours.  She put penne pasta into a pot of boiling water, and tomato sauce in a pan on a quiet low simmer.
Outside on the street her two sons were playing basketball in the frigid night air; they could barely feel their fingers, but what else was there to do.  The moon rose above the leave less trees and became the sun.  As they walked home the moon illuminated their path.
As the grandparents neared their destination they talked about seeing their grandchildren.  It had been 3 years since they had seen them last.
Back at the house Ben, Paul, and Patience were setting the table for dinner.  They were excited but nervous because their grandparents were coming.  Patience was happy, but did not understand why her brothers were apprehensive about their grandparent’s arrival.  Being the youngest, she was usually kept in the dark when it came to conflict between family members.
7:00 O’clock rolled around quickly and a tan Lincoln Continental pulled into the driveway on cue.  They honked, and the kids burst through the front door and into the warm embrace of their grandparents.
   When the grandparents walked inside the house, they forced a wry smile and gave Lauren a short disconnected hug.
“How have you been” said Frank?
“I’ve been Ok, I guess” replied Lauren; her eyes fixed to the ground as a child that has done something wrong.
“Oh” said Marge, “do you need help with dinner?”
“Umm no, it’s almost done, we’re having pasta and salad for dinner, how was the drive?”
In the dining room Ben, Paul, and Patience sat quietly around the table.
“Isn’t it nice to see our grandparents” said Patience.
“It’s nice, but it’s strange” mumbled Paul.
“Why, aren’t you happy to see them?”
“Yeah of course I’m happy to see them, but they act like it was all her fault.  It wasn’t her fault at all that dad died.  I understand he’s their only son, but it could have happened to anyone.”                                       “True things like this happen all the time” spoke up Ben.
Frank quietly walked into the room, “you kid’s are quite right.” I wish I could let go what happened.  In some way’s I have dealt with what happened, but your Grandma can’t seem to let it go. Every morning she looks outside our living room window and cries to the rising of the sun.  She replays the scene over, and over in her head as if she was there.  She leans against the glass as if she falling through it and watches the cars as they go by every morning.  I’ve tried to help her but her despondence brings me down.  With every tear she sheds I feel myself slowly slipping into her.  I can’t help but feel what she feels” said Frank as his eyes welled up.
Silently whilst they were talking Lauren slipped inside the room.  She tried to stay quiet but eventually her cries were over heard; she had heard every word that came out of Frank’s mouth.  Frank reached out to her, pulled her in, and cradled her in his arms as he hugged her; he whispered in her ear “everything going to be all right, we’re all together again.”  He wanted to repair the damage that should have been understood, but he couldn’t.  Time heals all wounds, but three years had passed and nothing seemed to have changed.
Marge walked into the room, and everyone went silent.  The ticking of the clock on the wall echoed throughout the house.  Patience was the first to break the silence.  “Grandpa say grace so we can eat.”
“Ok dear” he replied, “let’s clasp our hands.”
“Dear God, Thank you for bringing us all together on this day.  Help us cope with our pains and our hardships.  Please aid us through these toiling times.  Thank you for the food that has been prepared before us, and bless the hands that have prepared this feast”
“Let’s dig in” said Patience “I’m hungry.”
“I don’t know if I can eat” said Marge, as she put her silverware down.
“Why don’t you try some of mom’s pasta?”
“Yeah, it looks great said Paul.”
“I think I’m going to go outside and get some fresh air” said Marge, “are you going to join me Frank,” she said in an unquestioning tone.
“I’ll join you” interjected Lauren before Frank could utter a single syllable, “I could use some fresh air too.
” Umm ok, come on dear, let’s go” whispered Marge.
Marge and Lauren left the table, and got their jackets from the closet.  They left the house without uttering one word to one another.
“That was awkward” said Ben.
“I agree” retorted Frank.
“Why don’t they like each other said Patience”
“You mean, why doesn’t grandma like mom?”
“Yeah!”
“Well I guess it’s about time you learned about your family’s history.”
“Are you sure about this” said Paul as he looked at Frank quizzically; mouth full of penne.
Marge and Lauren stood outside the front door, hands in pockets looking aimlessly in opposite directions.  The moon now was at full tilt.  Every star could be seen in the endless sky.  The only audible sounds that could be heard were the deep breathing of the two women that cut through the night air.
“Well let’s see” said Frank as he cleared his throat.  “I think you were 3 years old and it was a cold night like this one.  Your Grandma and I were eating our dinner while talking about your father, because we hadn’t seen him in a long time, because he decided to marry your mother.”
Outside on the front steps Lauren turned to Marge and whispered meekly choking back tears.  “I miss him too.” Marge inhaled deeply and was about to speak, but instead sighed deeply.  “I know you really don’t like me, but me and your son were in love, he was my soul mate, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to fall in love again.” Marge turned around and looked deeply into Laurens eyes.  She saw warm brown eyes framed between a soft round face, her dark hair peeked out of the bottom of her winter hat.  She didn’t want to admit it, but she could see why her son fell for this woman.
Inside the house Frank proceeded with his story. “Your father got married to your mother when he was 21.  She was a young single mom that had two boys.  I think they met at some concert or something like that; this was when he was 18.  Your father was a great ambitious man, he was an entrepreneur.  After graduation high school he went to college and got his associates degree in business.  He started a small record label with a couple of his friends.  One was an Engineer, and the other was a Journalist.  They would go to local concerts and shows and try to find new talent that were interested in distributing their music through their budding label.

“Grandpa, what does this have to do with grandma not liking mom” Patience whined.
“Listen dear, I’m telling you an important story about your family history.”
“Listen to Grandpa” said Ben.
“Ok” replied Patience.
Outside on the front steps Marge said to Lauren, “you don’t know how it feels to see you child die knowing that you couldn’t do anything to stop it from happening.  “What would you do if Ben, Paul, or Patience died?”
“I don’t know what I’d do, but I would not blame someone who did not have control of the situation.”
“You just don’t get it” Marge snapped back!
Back inside the dining room Frank sipped his water and started to speak again.  “By this time your father was 20, his label was growing and he was dating to a girl named Lisa.  He’d been dating her for the past 2 years and they were about to be engaged.  When he talked about her, it was different.  She wasn’t just some girl that he liked.  You could see it in his demeanor; she made him a better man; she completed him, and he completed her.  They were destined to be together, or so we thought.  One day we get a call from your father, and he says he’s in California.  He sounds sad over the phone like he’s been crying and say’s.
“Dad I’m a father now.”
“What!!?”
“I’m a father now.”
“Ok, when are you coming home?”
“I’m not coming home,”
“You’re not coming home?”  Why aren’t you coming home?”
“I’m getting married to Lauren she’s the mother of my child.”
“Have I met this girl?” Do you like her, are you in love?”
“She’s all right I suppose.”
“Wait, let me get this straight, you’re getting married to a girl you barely know?”
“Well she’s no Lisa, but we have a child.”
“Are you sure about this?”
“It is the right thing to do, isn’t it?”
“No! Have you lost your mind, what about your label, and Lisa, you could pay child support.”
“That’s true, but I created a child and I want to be a part of her life.”
“Hold on, I’m going to get your mother, you need to talk to her.”
Outside in the cold December air Marge was starting to lose her cool.  “If it wasn’t for you my son would still be alive.”
“How is it my fault” angrily replied Lauren.
“Well let’s see, for starters you could have kept your legs closed, obviously you don’t know how to do that.  How many kids did you have before Patience?  Let me guess, the other fathers ran out on you because you’re just a whore” barked Marge!! “Why did you have to call? Why did you have to call and ruin our lives?  Lauren broke down and crumbled on the steps, she couldn’t stop crying.  She couldn’t bear to look into Marge’s blaring, bulging eyes, and contorted face.
“You don’t understand, your son treated Ben, and Paul like they were his own, that’s probably why I fell for him.  I didn’t mean to at first, but he was so good to us.  You should know, he’s your son, you raised him.  That’s probably why we became a loving and caring family.  I never thought I’d find someone like him ever,” sobbed Lauren.
Back inside the house Patience asked Grandpa what happened next.  “And to think they named you Patience” said Ben.
“You’d think she would have some” chimed in Paul.
“Well let me jog my memory” said Frank as he reached for more pasta.  “I gave the phone to your Grandma and they spoke for a while.  The last words she said before hanging up was ‘Don’t come home with that woman and her kids, you have a life here waiting for.’  She then hung up the phone, smiled and gave me a hug and a kiss.  She then said to me “we have a smart son, he’ll do the right thing; he always does.”
A chilling wind passed and tossed Marge’s and Lauren’s hair about their faces.  Marge sat down on the steps beside Lauren.  “Why did it have to be my one and only son, why did it have to be him” she thought out loud.
“He was a great man” chattered Lauren, “I wish you could have been around to see him as a father, you would have been very proud of him.  The kids adored him.  He’d come home from work and play with the kids, and snuggle and cuddle with me at night.  He made me feel like I was the only woman that mattered in the world.”
“That sounds exactly like my son” Marge said solemnly.” She put her arm around Lauren and said “are you ready to go back in, we need to wipe those tears from your face.”   Marge helped Lauren to her feet, and they walked inside the warm house arm in arm, and left the winter cold outside where it belonged.
As the ladies put their coats away Marge said to Lauren.  “You’re a beautiful girl, you should smile more,” and gave Lauren a heartfelt hug. Lauren wiped the tears from her eyes and let out a small faint laugh.
As the front door opened Frank was in the midst of finishing his story.  “A couple of weeks went by and your father didn’t call.  Weeks turned into months, and months turned into years.  One day while your Grandma and I were eating dinner the phone rang.  Marge picked it up, and your mother was on the other end.”
“Hello, who is this” said Marge.
“It’s your daughter in-law” replied Lauren.
“Where’s my son, how’s he doing, can I speak to him” said Marge.
“He’s not here?”
“Where is he then?”
“He’s not here” repeated Lauren as she started to cry.
“What do you mean?”
“He died today in a car accident.  He was coming home from work after a double shift, and fell asleep behind the wheel.  He ended up swerving into a tractor trailer and died on contact”
“My son is dead” quivered Marge as the words rolled off her tongue, and sunk into her head.
“I’m sorry replied Lauren.”
“It’s all you fault, he should have never left his life here for you!” She then hung up the phone angrily as it rattled against the receiver.
“So you see my dear Patience, your grandma has never forgiven you mother, because she took him away from her, and his life in Spokane.  She never got to say goodbye.  He died and she never was able to get over the last words she said to him; she always thought that he’d comeback one day, but he died before she could reconcile with her feelings, and accept him for his decision.  That is why your grandma doesn’t get along with your mom.  Today is the first time we’ve come to visit since the funeral.  It’s been a long three years, but at least we’re here now together once again.”

Family

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