stress about stupid things

Mar 10, 2008 - 22:50 PM PST
omg...... this week has been soooo exhausting. Just because of all the back and forth and no decision making. I really enjoy being with my boyfriend/fiance what ever it is we are anymore. But there are just so many things. I really want to share my life with him. I do have a connection that I've never had towards any body. and I mean ANY BODY. He has the potential to be the greatest guy for me. The problem, he's 17 and stupid. I have never met a person that doesn't think. Like when something bad or really good happens in life and you ask yourself why, or how it's possible or try to figure it out. He doesn't and I'm just barely getting to understand that side of him. It is a huge down fall I guess. It's the thing that causes him to make mistakes, that causes stress and disrespect. And I know that nothing I say will change him. But I have this helpless determination to try. I do love him yes, I do want him to be happy yes, and I do want to spend the rest of my life with him. oh its a horrible thing trying to decide if we should be together. Or if either of us are ready for the stage in life we are coming to in the next 6 months... Holy shit... 6 months... thats really NO time at all. wow... Ever time I think about this it runs down to a year and then 8 months and now 6.... it is so crazy.
I guess the whole point of this is I'm confused and afraid and so head over hills for him. I just can't make a decision and see what is best for me. I can't see which one I will be happier with, taking a chance and being right, or leaving him and being right. Or in any reverse universe. Taking the chance with him and being wrong, or leaving him and being wrong.
In the show I think I'm more attracted to Dylan and Eric's relationship. Or now with John's and Lisa's. It's hard because you have to find a way and a person to create the kind of relationship you want. With Dallas, I don't think he's discovered who he is yet. or what he wants for that matter. But every time I try to talk to him about this he gets so frustrated and tells me how wrong I am and somehow convinces me it is what he wants. At least until the next time he does something stupid. awww shit just another long and confusing thought now on paper... good night

stress about stupid things

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1 Comments

Mar 15, 2008 - 00:25 AM

nessy on
Be encouraged