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Dec 31, 2007 - 11:03 AM PST
I am 28 years old, and I have moved somewhere around 30 times in my lifetime.

My mother was restless. She was unsatisfied with her life and either didn’t know how to change it or was too afraid, so instead she changed her surroundings constantly. She’d rearrange furniture every few weeks, buy new drapes, pick up a few things here and there from second-hand stores. Once she had exhausted all possibilities of furniture placement, she’d find a new place a few blocks away where she could see herself being happy and imagine a new life. She’d pack up my sister and I, toss the majority of our belongings carelessly into unorganized boxes and trashbags, and leave behind anything that no longer interested her. Furniture my father had built for me with his own two hands, photo albums of my childhood, family keepsakes…none of these things interested her and are all lost now.

When I was 17, I too no longer interested her and was left behind. I was a good kid who never back-talked, but like everything else she had discarded, I reminded her past mistakes and bad decisions. My sister, then 6, was like a new house. She represented another fresh start, full of possibilities with no ties to the past. She had no memory of any mistakes, so my mother could pretend as though they’d never happened instead of feeling guilty. History would be rewritten.

Although there’s something romantic about the idea of a nomadic lifestyle, I grew to crave stability. I didn’t want a life like my mother’s, running from my past while everything and everyone was disposable. I’ve been in my current residence going on two years now, and it’s the longest I’ve ever lived anywhere. I finally have a sense of “home.” I’ve created my own family consisting of my best friend and lover, and 3 personality-laden cats. I’ve never felt more supported, more cared for, more valued, or more protected in my entire life.

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1 Comments

Jan 07, 2008 - 16:16 PM

LillyVz on
I really liked the way you wrote this. It has a nice flow and it's very touching. I'm glad everything's working better for you now.