Encyclopedia Universalis Awesomnii

May 11, 2008 - 10:38 AM PST
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The companion encyclopedia initially made to be turned in with Sic Semper Tyrannus. It was never never finished. It's still worth a look over. It might make you giggle. It's also worth noting that one girl in our group was a feminist.

PREFACE

The following is a companion encyclopedia, designed to ease the translation of "AN HEROICALLY EPIC TALE (tentative title)" This is a work of art, and should be treated as such. No, in fact, it should be exalted. With A's.
Note: Although not initially intended, the ENCYCLOPEDIA UNIVERSALIS AWESOMNII should be read back to front to ensure quick ease of understanding.
Also of note: At present, there is no real reason to read the ENCYCLOPEDIA UNIVERSALIS AWESOMNII as the information outlined within it has not (entirely) appeared within the story. But I do HIGHLY suggest reading it to begin to attain and understanding of the universe in which this tale operates.

A
Aliens
THEY BE HOPPIN' OUR BORDERS AND STEALIN' OUR WOMENS!
See also: Womens
America
Fuck yeah.
Angst
See: Teenage Angst

B
Blow
Coke, snow, white, white snow, Devil's dandriff, toot.

C
Capitalism
Awesome.
Communists
Not so awesome.
Chris Crocker
"Really, America? Really?"
- Sean Blimey
See also: Trans-gendered.
D
DA Club
A club situated in inter-galactic space that's often been described as "The dog's bollocks" and "Da place ta be, yo."
See also: Not Being a Fecking Loser, Having a Life.
Dragons
Awesome.

E
Earth
It kind of sucks.

F
FTL
Faster than light travel.

G
H
H&B
See: Hookers & Blow
See also: Hookers, Blow, HAB
HAB
See: H&B
Hookers

Hookers & Blow
The proper name for the universal standard monetary unit of measurement often abbreviated as "H&B" or "HAB." References the amount of wealth one has in the amount of Hookers and Blow that their net wealth (or the wealth currently upon them, usually in the form of bank credits) would yield them, where the numerical value to the left of the decimal is the amount of Hookers one can afford and to the right is the amount of Blow one can afford. This does not take into account the quality of the hookers or the blow, but instead averages their prices together. Does not reference the amount of Hookers OR Blow one can afford, but the amount of Hookers AND Blow one can afford. At the same time.
See also: Hookers, Blow, Money
Humanity
Now imagine if those cats inbred, and had midget retarded babies.
See also: Multiverse, Universe

I
Illegal
Mormonese for awesome.

Illegal Alien(s)
... have the best prices.

Intersteller Craft
Any craft "capable" of intersteller flight.

J
K
L

Language of Love
Two words: thrusting. And lots of it.
See also: Hookers & Blow

M
Money
See: HAB
Multiverse
Now imagine if there were fifty cats.
See also: Universe

N
O
P

Peruvia
Peruvia is the peruvian galaxy of peruvians. And dragons.

Q
R
Raptor Jesus
He went extinct for your sins.

S
SAE Drive
Utilizing a complex system involving the coordination of a series of pretentious, faux-rebelious, and potentially bi-polar advanced Artificially Intelligent Constructs (with a pinchet for black clothing); the SAE Drive of a given Interstellar Vessel proposes a series of thoughts, ideas, and judgments to the 'system' in an effort to produce 'Spontaneous Angst Energy,' which is then harvested in liquid form as a renewable fuel source capable of propelling an interstellar object at FTL speeds.
See also: Spontaneous Angst Energy, Teenage Angst, FTL
Spontaneous Angst Energy
Refers to a highly compressed and complex fuel source commonly found in the blood and tears of "rebellious" teenagers, or found synthesized in the blood and tears of "rebellious" artificially intelligent constructs. Is generated from Teenage Angst, the only known source of energy unique for its ability to take nothing and convert it into a highly volatile source of fuel.
See also: SAE Drive, Teenage Angst
T
Teenage Angst
Hilarious.
See also: Angst

Time
A common misconception developed through humanity's inability to properly perceive the fourth dimension in all of its entirety. Often referred to in an amount-like manner that of which has no decreasing values, is actually an a measure of distance with both positive and negative values.

Trans-gendered
They're people too. No, really!
See also: Chris Crocker, Teenage Angst

U
Universe
Imagine an exceptionally long cat. Now, imagine a cat that's progressively longer than the aforementioned cat. Now, imagine if this cat was made of cherry pie and makes a living as a hitman. How cool would that be? Also it eats nazis and breathes fire. I'm not really sure where I was going with this.
See also: Multiverse
V

Viagra-based Crack-Cocaine


W
Womens
They cooks us our foods and cleans us our undies.
See also: Aliens
X
Y
Z

Encyclopedia Universalis Awesomnii


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1 Comments

May 11, 2008 - 11:31 AM

crosstheline on
That's pretty funny.