I should really be sleeping

Mar 31, 2008 - 00:18 AM PST
My friend and I got this idea to write about how we met and our past year together in Hollywood. We talked about a screenplay, but when I decided to actually start this little project i thouht that I would just write and let the words become whatever they wanted. So here is the first little bit of what I've put down. Keep in mind that it is currently 3 AM so there will be no judging for the lack of sense in these words.


Short history of me
You could say that I grew up on a stage. Not the way that most people would mean that though. True I took my fair share of gymnastics, jazz, tap, ballet classes. But , I grew up on a stage that existed in my head. Mum tells me as a child, I didn’t have imaginary friends. This is completely true. I didn’t. Not one. And sometimes I do feel I’m missing out on an integral the tangent. Back to the matter at hand: Mummy and the stories of me. She tells me that as a kid I sort of just lived inside my head. Yeah, I know, that’s what they say about the “troubled” kids all the time! But! I’m not troubled. Not in that way. You know that Shakespearean saying, “all the worlds a stage and all the people merely players”? Well that was what it was like for me. The whole world was my stage and inside my head was this story or plotline or what have you and everyone around me was playing their little part. Only they had no clue. But, I suppose that right then and there it should have been a huge clue to my mum that her daughter would feel the need to be on stage for the rest of her life.

I did come by it honest, though. If you met my mother and spent a grand total of about 3 mins with her you would leave feeling like you had just finished playing in the biggest role of your life. You’d leave her feeling a little bit confused, a little tired, but incredibly inspired. That’s what my mother has always been for me, a source of inspiration. She is the one person in the world who can really truly affect me. And the ironic part is that I really think she has no idea just how far into me her claws have sunk.

I’ve been starting with a round about history of me. Maybe I should actually start with a little history of her, my mother.

Well, she met my dad when he moved here from Kentucky. My dad was the son of two very involved, straight laced and strict, but also very naïve parents. My mom on the other hand, her parents were so wrapped up in her crazy younger brother that they barely noticed what was happening with her. So, my parents, two young party kids met, fell in love, got pregnant and got married (obviously things always did go a little backwards for my parents). This, obviously, is where I come into the picture. Well, as is often the case, the young lovers found that they were not really as much in love as they had thought and so came the nasty divorce proceedings and even nastier custody battles which I believe is what truly led me to flee to this dream-world I have come to live in.

My mom and I moved around a lot when I was a kid. I counted the other day, I moved schools 13 times. Seriously, for a kid who’s not an army brat, that’s got to be some kind of record! But, all that moving around and the effect being that the only consistency I had in my life was that of change meant a few things for me. One, I didn’t have many friends. As a little kid, and a somewhat damaged and shy little kid at that, its hard to really be outgoing and make new friends when your always the newbie. Two, I became addicted to non-normalcy. It was like my mothers slogan while I was growing up (honestly its still her slogan to this day) “You are not average. You’re never going to be average. I did not raise you to be normal” To me normal became detestable. And because of that I have lived my life terrified of becoming “normal”. Which really, what is normal? (but that subject we will have to leave for another time). So, when I was about 20 and I’d had the same job for about 4 years, and they were making me manager and I’d been dating the same guy since I was 15, we were planning our wedding and my dad started to talk about how it was good that I was “settling down” and how I would finally have some consistency to my life, I, well, I freaked. I dumped the boyfriend, stepped down from the position the job had just given me, got a new job and put myself into tech school.

It didn’t take long for me to realize that (again) this still wasn’t the life I wanted. I couldn’t escape the feeling that there was just a piece of me that I hadn’t found yet. But that when I did, everything would fit together and I would make sense. In truth I had a sneaking feeling that I would be able to find that piece of me in New York. I’d been visiting the city at least once a year since I was about 3 and it had stolen my heart and soul a long time ago. But as I didn’t have the funds to support living there, I decided I would travel to different cities and figure out the one that was for me. So, as a present to myself for my 21st birthday I went with a friend to see LA for a week. Well, while this city hadn’t won me over with quite the same effect as New York, I was at least interested in it. So, I came home, went back onto work and told them I was moving. I was going to LA and I was going to go back to school for acting while I was there. I felt free again and it was great!






So that's it, how I came out to LA. Well, most of it. Minus a few details, like the fact that I really wanted to study acting straight out of school when I graduated. I'd fallen in love with it when i did this commercial when I was like 10. But it was insisted that I study something that would be a "real job" so i went into the radiology program just to end up dropping out, I hated it so much! And all the incriminating details that went into the divorce and custody battles. But the above should for the most part get you up to speed on what lead up to me deciding to move 3000 miles away from all that I'd ever known....and learn that I loved it.

I should really be sleeping

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1 Comments

Apr 02, 2008 - 22:49 PM

endofhistory on
Stories like yours make me feel like my life has been a bit dull. I mean, I've loved the I live, but coming out here to LA for school and suddenly finding an interest in film (a fact that my parents are still not really taking to) has probably been the most radical thing I've ever done.