Drowning on dry land.....

Dec 19, 2007 - 13:06 PM PST
This is my first blog entry. I have to say, it's very exciting. The thought of me writing something and having someone out there, from another part of the world or a state or a complete stranger read this is exciting. Someone is reading what i have to say, and that means something. As the character Dylan, from QuarterLife said, "we blog to exist".... Indeed, i do, i do .

Mood:
My heart feels heavy...Sleep has lost its luster, i walk the empty hall of my apartment wondering if things ever seem to just be okay. I frequently feel like i am swimming my way to comfort. Life sometimes feels like a race that i constantly have to keep running in. I would give anything to be that little girl that i used to be. One that had no worries in the world. A little girl back in elementary school, where all that was demanded of me was to be a kid and nothing more. It seems as if the more i progress in life, the more harder i have to keep swimming so i wont drown.... Will life ever feel complacent and okay? Will i wake up one day and feel like every aspect of my life is fallen into place? No. My mind is constantly over thinking and planning and analyzing. I feel like my head might explode and every single thought that dwells in my head will spill all over my living room. I feel alone. I feel like hope is leaving my grasp. I want to give up and quit. I want to just give up. But being the person i am, i can't. I can't give up. I have to keep swimming. I feel, that the day i finally do is the day i will drown. I just want to be okay. To be okay and have certainty that it WILL be okay and i am worrying over nothing.

Drowning on dry land.....

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4 Comments

Dec 20, 2007 - 17:35 PM

Leviathon on
its ok to feel like giving up. but its a good thing that you never do. a fighter spirit. ha. you are a lot stronger than most people.
Dec 20, 2007 - 01:18 AM

confused88 on
this is exactly how i feel. especially the part about wanting to be the little girl i once was. life was so simple and the biggest problem was who i was going to sit by at lunch. I just wanted to let you know that your not alone on that feeling
Dec 19, 2007 - 22:30 PM

lmac54 on
Ok, in your last post you said you cry spontaneously and it makes you feel like life is REAL... well if you want some advice, I'd say look at how all these other things are making you feel. Sure you wanna give up, I love that term, as if "giving up" is even a viable option. This isn't a game, this is yours (and my) life, giving up doesn't come in the package. You treck on, and the realization that you're capable of doing so is what makes life real.
Dec 19, 2007 - 13:23 PM

Stanislava on