Sprinkling of Love

Jun 13, 2008 - 15:03 PM PST
My daughter told me that she wanted a new bike. She is two years of age, however since her dad and I have separated he is buying her all these new toys. At first it was a tent bed that he got her, so I decided to be creative and have us make our own tent and pretend we were sleeping underneath it. Imagination is lost within our culture, even within my own mind as I judge what I can and cannot “provide” for my daughter.
I began to understand the inner child within me that was given things from my parents, yet craved to be loved and have their presence. It is a subtle but huge lesson to learn at an early age that things are what measures “love”- more and more we learn that outside stuff fills in a void, but does it?

My daughter’s father is not doing anything bad. He is doing what was passed on to him. I feel for him and understand his own fear of not being enough, or fear of actually being present with another soul. I see for years how much I reached outside myself to provide love: dieted, ran for miles, ate nothing, got liposuction, married men who do not value me and was okay about this for awhile and searched for that “thing” to love me.

As I ran in the sprinklers with my daughter today tears welled up in my eyes. All we desire as human beings is presence. For someone to look at us, take a moment and truly love us for who we are. This is quite simple, yet we run from it and make it so complex.
I do not have a bike for my daughter, but I have many moments of love. Many moments of running in sprinklers and laughing uncontrollably at how wet we are. Many moments of hugging just because and dance parties full of goofiness and freedom.
Money cannot buy love, so they say. But this is deeper. No thing, no one can ever provide love if you cannot provide it for yourself first.

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Sprinkling of Love


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1 Comments

Jun 14, 2008 - 02:38 AM

metafizzicaluv on
your basic message reminds me of what Don Miguel Ruiz says in his book The Mastery of Love.