Uzed

Mar 28, 2008 - 17:49 PM PST
I dont understand why life is turning out the way it is!
Okay so i have this friend of mine we run CC together. Anyways sense this year was the year that i decided to make all new friends, i decided why not start hanging out with his friends group. So everything has been going okay i like the group sept for a few people but it was a nce feeling to feel like i had a good group of friends like last year. But after a whicle me and the guy stopped talking as much. then out of the blue we started htalking again and hanging out again. well then like a week after we started hanging again he told me he wanted to take my best friend to prom. so being the type of guy i am i started to play match maker so we started hanging out alot the three of us. then he decides he didnt want to go to prom with someone he didnt know very well; which i totally get but, then he asked another girl without telling me and my friend. And all of sudden all of the plans that we made to hang out started to get cancelled. And i hate it when my plans get changed cause being the OCD kid that i am i start freaking out. so finally I asked him if we were even friends oir if he was just using me to get to my friend. And he was actually truthful which i respect but still. He said that he does admit that one of the reasons why we were hanging out so much was so he could get to know my friend, and that we dont hang out that much anymore because the majority of his friends dont like me. and then said that he was sorry and said that he would call me over spring break to hang out.....well spring break is coming to an end and to attempt of contact has been made by him.

the sad thing is that i think i relized what was hapening the entire time but i dont know i think i liked the feeling of being needed and that blinded me and now im hurt. i know i talk about my feelings a little bit too much for a guy but maybe im just sensitive casue people have put me through so much SHIT in my life. I donmt even know why im writing all of this crap about my life on here cause whats it going to do ....make my life better??....doubt it

There was a time when I had lots of friends but now it seems like i dont have that many and it just depresses me each and every single day a little bit more. knowing that others out having fun and im cleaning the house(which i actually enjoy on a some sort of sick level) and listening to some deathcab eating jelly beans, and finish the night off with staying up watching episodes of scrubs or friends wishing my life was just like that. Having close friends that you are more close with than your family. I want that feeling and that is one of the reasons whyu im not happy

infact i dont even remeber what being truely happy feels like. I mean i have a good times all the time but I cant say im actually happy because i know the moment will be over and ill be back in reality.

Uzed


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5 Comments

Jun 05, 2008 - 21:10 PM

carolinexgoode on
im reading this, and im completely thinking that this is exactly what happened to me. i mean, i had a best friend in the beginning of the year, that was a guy by the way. we hung out and talked all the time, and one day he started going out with my best friend.. and what do you know as soon as they broke up, neither of them were friends with me anymore? i was like sweeet. just on what you wrote i could go on.. but hey now, this is only a comment haha =]
May 23, 2008 - 06:30 AM

andreastem500 on
Alright so im going to be honest. Im so happy your life sucks because now im not the only one. Ive been having the same problem with my "friends".And i spend most of my time watching scrubs and law and order.so thank you you made my day 10times better.
Apr 11, 2008 - 13:23 PM

serenasnows on
Believe me guys that talk about how they feel are way better than the ones who clam up. Epecially one I know who refuses to acknowledge my presence anymore because I told I liked him. Okay I should be over that. Anyway about the friends situation if you really want more just be outgoing, talk to people, compliment someone on something so you can get the ball rolling. I should know since I made 27 pieces of fudge to give to as many friends as I could manage for christmas.
Mar 31, 2008 - 08:49 AM

crosstheline on
A lot of people write these super long stories and I just skim through them, but i actually read all of this one!
Mar 28, 2008 - 20:10 PM

serioussinger8 on
I know this is rather forward of me but....I LOVE YOU.
you have no idea how nice it is to find out someone actually enjoys cleaning, has OCD, likes deathcab for cutie, and watches friends.
cause that's totally me right there, buddy.

and the whole thing about you not remembering what feeling truly happy. I haven't felt that in a long time.