Anger with my new found mediocrity

Mar 31, 2008

So this is the first time that I have actually blogged something like this. So I guess I just have to jump in and do it. I am a 25 year old girl who is struggling at the moment to find my "personal legend". For those of you who don't know what a personal legend is, it is basically your destiny and life path as described by Paulo Coelho in "The Alchemist".

Anyways, I have been struggling with this personal legend. For many years of my life I was certain what this path entailed. I came up with my very first five year plan at the end of college and was feeling quite proud of myself and how adult like I was for having a five year plan.

So here was the plan:

1. Finish school with a global studies major (Check!)

2. Travel with an ice skating show to see the world for 1 year. (Check! Well it ended up being 2 years due to my own lack of direction and fear of the next step. The next step I might add I am still trying to make a reality.)

3. Apply and graduate law school for 3 years and study international law. (ummmmmm.....this one is causing me a lot of stress. I have applied and received my very first rejection letter a mere 20 days later. Didn't take them long to decide I was not Baylor material.)

So I am now sitting in a situation where I feel the stress pangs of not being able to go to school and consequently in my dreamer mind save the world so to speak. Blah! It is all so ridiculous. When in my life did I actually believe that I could do such a thing as save humanity. Basically up until last week-end I was quite the court jester telling those I met that I would ask for their help one day in my endeavors to save man kind from itself. And now it is all gone. I have locked myself in my room and have done nothing but read for the last few days. It is funny to think that I have not spoken a word in 3 days. For someone who can never shut up it is quite odd for me that I have not gone mad. Anyways, that is where I stand at the moment. I don't expect anyone to read these rants so I guess this is more of a way of venting my mind. I hope in the next few days one of the new, crazy, hair brained ideas I have developed during this silent stint will pan out and it will be adios Santa Barbara. I am off to save myself!