Afraid Of Choice?

Sep 18, 2008 - 00:58 AM PST

The tide came in strong this morning. This time, a big swirl of death didn't rise from its waters. Instead, a bit of realization. Self-realization, of course. Almost wished that it did come with impending doom. At least I wouldn't be afraid of that. I do have fear, but it's stemmed from the most ridiculous portions of my brain. I fear in decision-making. Put me in a dentist's chair, no problem. Throw me into a battlefield, no problem. I wouldn't even be afraid of ghost hunting in some haunted prison with ghosts full of hatred and bitterness. Actually, sounds a bit fun. Yet you leave me with certain decisions to make, and I'll freak on the inside. First with panic, then clouded anger. Then comes an hour or so of meditation, and finally ending with confusion and self-loathe as to why I was like that in the first place.

Since we're on the subject of fears....well, there aren't any real fears or phobias. I found alot of them to be mental blocks that are challenging to overcome. This isn't to say I have no fear. Actually, I am afraid of churches. Not because I don't think Im deserving of "his" presence, or afraid of God, per se. I just tend to feel eerie once im close to one. Once, I did feel my chest tightening just sitting in a pew. Another time I was so cold, couldn't even speak properly...and it was summer in Georgia. Never was religious either. I sometimes feel as though I was made an exception to the rule. Ecclesiophobia, its called: Fear of Churches. Hmm, there's a name for anything.

Hippopoto-monstroses-quip-pedalio-phobia--Fear of big words. Even science and literature knows how to make a good joke. Oh, Irony. How you make me laugh everyday.