Enjoy Quaterlife Single-hood!

Feb 21, 2008 - 10:00 AM PST

Why do so many twenty-somethings feel like there’s something wrong with them if they are single? It’s as if there is some kind of shame with not having a permanent “plus one”. Quarter-lifers even feel ashamed about bad dating experiences or limited prospects on the horizon. Friends reporting they have found their “soul-mate” trigger feelings of self doubt. Every engagement announcement triggers the questions like: What it is about me that makes me non-marriage material; is it my looks, personality, career, intelligence, or just plan luck? Am I social enough? Do I live in the wrong city? Are all the good ones taken?” All these questions and not one of them is what quarter-lifers really ought to be asking. The real question is, are you ready for or do you even really want a relationship and marriage?

Being in a relationship is so much more than the hand holding, kissy-kissy couples that seem to pop up everywhere we go. It requires a lot of compromise and commitment as well as two individuals who are ready, able and willing to share their lives with each other. Everyone will reach this stage at some point in their lives and obviously, some are going to reach it faster than others, but this is not a reflection on people as individuals. There is nothing wrong with experiencing life as a singleton– so don’t let that next trip to Crate and Barrel to pick out a crock-pot for your college friend’s wedding bum you out! The truth is if you really do want marriage or a long-term commitment, your twenties is THE only time when you are going to be a swinging single. It’s a time to really get to know yourself and enjoy your independence. And if you really think about it, being single is really pretty great.

Come on, admit it…don’t you like being independent, taking care of things yourselves, and not having anyone to answer to? You can see any movie you want and squeeze the tube of toothpaste anyway you choose! You can go out with your friends on a whim, or tell them you don’t feel like getting together without feeling obligated. You can live anyway you want, do anything you want, and date anyone you want. Are you really ready to give all that up? Plus, the person you are in your early twenties is going to be very different from the person you are in your late twenties; so the danger of getting in a serious relationship early in quarterlife is that the person you are with may not change in the same ways or on the same timeline that you will.

Of course you may still have the occasional twinge of jealousy or longing when you see a couple canoodling in Starbucks, but being single could really be the best thing for you right now! Don’t be ashamed of your status. Instead, embrace what your life is filled with instead of focusing or getting bummed out about what hasn’t happened yet. Live your life for what is in front of you rather than obsessing about what (or who) is ahead. Life comes at you fast and furious and everyone’s journey is different. Vacationing to comparison land is a one-way ticket to low self-esteem. So live it up, enjoy your friends, your accomplishments as well as this unique moment in your life to be selfish and know that if marriage is indeed something you want, believe me, before you know it, you’ll be heading off to the chapel of love.

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