highs and lows

Mar 15, 2008 - 15:18 PM PST

It's still raining. Why is it that we let other people effect how we feel about ourselves or the mood we're in? Maybe other people don't and its just me but how come when a guy I like does something remotely nice my mood suddenly becomes better and I become happier? And the sad part is I dont think its down to the guy either. I just think its guys in general. Like tonight...i got let down by a guy. Someone i really like (almost too much) said we were going to do something....I saw him earlier in the day and then he still said we were going to do something later tonight and then he bailed. He is in a confused state but I hate when I have gone out my way to wait and make plans around him, (I am one of these people who gives everything to either friendships or relationships) and then he bails at the last second and doesn't even bother to make it up to me....I think its quite rude. And now I am in an awful mood just because of a guys actions who i can't control. I dont know what he is thinking and I will never know but the fact that my mood can go from such a high to such a low in 24 hrs based on this one guy either means I really like him (and am just in denial about it) or I let other peoples actions get the best of me. Probably both! I dont think its just him though. When someone you like, likes you back, in a sense your pretty much doomed. You have let that person become part of your emotions and have let them in and when they do something to make you happy or do something that makes you unhappy they are pretty much controlling how you feel and its not fair. Many people have said that I let myself get to a place where ultimatly I will be disappointed but that is only because i believe in passion and when I do something..i go for it...i dont do it half heartedly. In many ways, friendships and relationships i give too much, therefore making it harder to let go. Technically I am being punished for being a good person and treating people the way I want to be treated. The point of this little rant was to try and come to a conclusion as to why I let people's actions effect my mood. The first thing I thought to myself is 'what did i do wrong?'...'did i say something'...i think that is the problem. I was convinced it was me when in reality his life does not revolve around me. Nothing i did or said (i dont think) made him bail on me. Its him, his life and his priorities. I think i worry too much and let the actions of others effect my happiness and my mood too much. For me to truly be happy I need to find it in myself and stop letting others control how I feel. True happiness comes from the inside and tonight I think I learned that I need to make myself happy and not any1 else. So thanks to all the guys (and all those girls who used to be my friends)...for treating me badly and controlling my emotions for all this time. You have helped me figure out that the only person I really need to make me happy..is me!