Hollydale, the abandoned asylum

Apr 16, 2008 - 14:53 PM PST

The photo's I have uploaded were taken on a trip to the Hollydale asylum that has been abandoned for a number of years. Most of the shots I took came out like crap, which isn't too surprising. It was so dark in there, the air was thick and the feeling of being watched was overwhelming. I didn't handle it well, and it's not because I'm a wuss or easily frightened either. I have been on many urban exploration shoots, but I have never felt the way I did there. I wanted to get out as fast as I could.

All the pictures were taken with filters, so the colors you see were not added in Photoshop. Most of the shots were taken in the lab. all that stuff was in there still, and none of the shots were set up. To say I'm displeased with most would be an understatement. Ah well. Hopefully the next batch will be better.

I will be doing a shoot at the Linda Vista hospital. Unlike Hollydale, Linda Vista is rented out for movie shoots and such. I have been there once before when my friend's band, Combichrist, shot their music video for "Get Your Body Beat" and I had a chance to explore the hospital while waiting for my turn on set. It was the perfect place for the video, however after watching the end result I wish they had utilized more of the hospital (but since it was done for "The Gene Generation", they used more clips of the movie than anything else). At the time I did not know the director of the video, but now she is one of my dearest friends, and one of the most talented music video directors of our age, Miss Agata Alexander. 25 yr old aspiring music video directors everywhere should be jealous. Hell, I'm jealous, but shit, she deserves all her success <3.

I'm really looking forward to going back to Linda Vista. Getting granted access was a pain in the ass, so...no pressure or anything, haha. I'm not exactly sure when this is going to happen, but I'm glad I have some time to prepare.

As far as the rest of my life goes....meh. Everyday that I do not have a job is another day I feel like a worthless piece of crap. Most of that was engraved into my head by my ex, considering he put so much weight on money and success. He constantly made sure I knew he had more of both than I did.

So yeah, right now my insecurities are at all time high. I just want to feel safe, I want to feel like everything is going to be okay. But of course, that's all fantasy, the kind of thing you see on TV or in movies.