How to deal with Online dating Rejection

Feb 21, 2008 - 11:04 AM PST

I get a ton of emails and phone calls from singles needing advice about the (sometimes) harsh and frustrating world of online dating.

“Why didn’t he write again after I responded and returned his wink? Our profiles matched perfectly and he was everything I was looking for.”
“She told me I was great and was looking forward to meeting me and then she completely disappeared. Was it something I said?”

If this has happened to you, just know that you are not alone.
At first glance, online dating seems exciting, fun and easy.

After all, it’s a great way to find people that you might not otherwise meet. Not to mention the fact that you don’t even need to leave your apartment!
Point, click, put in your grocery list and voila! Your future soul mate is just waiting to meet and love you in your inbox. Boy, did our parents miss out on this kind of fabulous courtship or what?

One huge problem: online dating has replaced the heart and soul of real human connection. I’ve seen even the most dynamic, attractive and confident people feel insecure and off balance after being “rejected” or not pursued by a “match”.

Here’s my advice:
Grow a thicker skin and have fun with it or find another way to meet people.

Remember, this is a virtual world with virtual people. Virtual Jack or Jane can’t possibly reject you!

Why?
Because until you meet this person face to face, they do not exist!! When the hurt and annoyed feelings begin to creep in, step back and remember that this is not real.

It might feel like it, but it’s not.

There are plenty of people online with intentions of finding a partner. Then, there are those that use this as a way to get attention and play. Unfortunately, it’s all too easy to get caught up in the game and waste precious hours wondering why surfergirl222 didn’t respond or talentedguy57 dropped off the face of the universe after two very nice and romantic email exchanges.

Don’t allow yourself to sink into self-doubt simply because a virtual stranger didn’t respond to you, your profile, photo or email. Trust me, it’s nothing that you did.

You have no idea what is going on with someone. The person that flew the coop might be in a relationship or just ended something and isn’t in the right frame of mind. Perhaps he or she just got back together with an ex. Jake the dog might need a hip replacement, stress at work, whatever.

The point is, you just never know so don’t even try to pretend that you do.

Take everything in stride and don’t take anything personally. Dating online can and does work, just make it a supplement to your search not your only path.
Chemistry is tricky and only truly happens when you are face to face with someone. Profiles and photos never give the accurate story and chemistry over the phone and email does not count.

Rejection is part of everything we do in life so don’t let that derail you. Life is too short to waste being sad over someone that you have never met! Keep moving and don’t stop until you find the person who wants you as much as you want them. Everything else is a non-starter and not worthy of thought, endless and exhausting conversations with friends and certainly not worth shedding any of your tears.

Discuss this article on our forums