i can't handle this.

Jun 16, 2008 - 21:03 PM PST

well...the last time i wrote in this thing was like two months ago or something. but some things have happened recently and i suppose i just need to get them off my chest. my friends have mostly changed. my best friend is now jason, who i'm for serious in love with. its really hard to explain and i wish more than anything that i could stop loving him. he puts me through so much crap, its not even funny. then there's the matter of my ex-best friend, sarah. she was the best friend i've ever had. then, she decided to start cutting herself. i ditched my old friends cause they did that. why did i think she was different than my old friends? i tried so hard to help her. did it do anything? for a little while. but eventually, i just couldn't handle all the stress she put me through. i have enough of my own problems without all hers too. i love her to death, she's the one person in my life who knows me as well as i do. i've told her everything. i miss her so much. but that doesn't change anything. she's better now from what i understand, but she doesn't want to be my friend anymore, and i don't blame her. i've ditched her so many times, what else did i expect her to do? jump back to my side at the drop of a hat? right. i just don't know what to do. my life was good for awhile. and then all this crap happened. and of course jason is in the middle of this whole issue. he dated sarah and he's my best friend. he seems to think he can fix all of this. he freaked out on me about it. why does he only jump on MY case? she didn't exactly help the situation. but he always blames everything that happens on me. if he keeps it up, he's gonna have to worry about something else other than me and sarah. he's gonna have to worry about losing me.