In Between

Apr 07, 2008 - 22:09 PM PST

Every so often, when I'm not thinking about anything at all, I get these random little memories that pop to the front of my head as if to say "Heeeellllooooo!" Sometimes their good memories and that's all swell and everything. But a lot of times they're memories where I end up asking myself, "What the HELL was I thinking?"
I guess it's just part of growing up. I mean it's not quite regret, sometimes, but not always. It's just...well it's just one of those things where you just have to shake your head and ask what the hell you were thinking.
I think about who I am and who I was when I started college. It blows me away at how much a person can change without becoming someone different. I mean at least that what it feels like, that I'm the same person I was three years ago, but just a little different. Only I'm a lot different. But I'm not. If it doesn't make sense to you, we're in the same boat.
I know I'm not a kid anymore, but I don't quite feel like an adult. No one ever told me about that part. I mean, it's not like I'm upset over it, or it's some monumental problem with my life. I don't have any angst like a teenager about it, and I'm not mourning the loss of my youth...yet. It's just different that's all. It's not something I expected. Sure, it'd be nice to have had some warning about it, but whatever. I seem to be doing okay I guess.
It's just interesting. I never know quite what I'm going to do. Will I do something irrational like a kid, or will I play it conservative like a somewhat responsible adult (hey I'm only 21, I figure I've got a good 5 years before I have to be a complete adult haha).
There are little things that tip me off that I'm changing. Some make more sense than others. Like tonight I brought my work home with me. I didn't actually do any of it, but I still brought it home. On the other hand I've been back and forth between the idea of whether or not I want a serious relationship or not. Currently the status is yes, I do. A friend of mine has a bit to do with that. That part makes the less amount of sense to me. Typically, I'm not big on casual relationships. But the idea of it seems acceptable, if not desirable at times. I don't know what that means but at the same time I'm totally up for an exclusive relationship should the opportunity present itself. Does that sound horrible? I hope not. I didn't mean it like that.
Anyway that's what's on my mind.