Incoherent ramblings of nothingness

Mar 17, 2008 - 22:26 PM PST

It is safe to say, I believe, that I have an undiagnosed case of insomnia. The past several nights I have forced myself to sleep for at least a couple hours and that is what I got. Two hours. The only exception to this little streak was Friday night when I had a warm body next to me, my vain attempt to fill that void between my ribs and spine. It's as though there are times when my entire chest aches with the thought of losing someone I have never met.

People ask me all of the time why I don't sleep. Usually, it is not by choice. There are days/nights when I just look at the time and it is 6am and I wonder what I have been doing all night. That's when I decide to slide beneath the covers to try to sleep, if only for a little while. At 8:45, the impersonal buzz of my alarm wakes me, as it grows incrementally louder, which is unnecessary and rude as it is right next to my head.

The first year I was here at school, I perpetually got three hours of sleep a night. The second year, I did better, my average was more around five hours. This year is back to the beginning. I would say three to four is pretty solid. Though I do have better luck on the weekends. I'm not even sure why I don't just try harder to sleep in: my classes don't start until noon...

I think not sleeping is not conducive to getting over this cold that blindsided me from nowhere. My only defense is drinking my weight in orange juice, which I have been known to do from time-to-time. I don't usually get sick, but really, all quarter I haven't really been eating or sleeping, so I suppose I shouldn't be the least bit surprised that this little cold developed.

My head won't let me think through things right now. I had a final exam this morning which was rough since I couldn't fully process some thoughts. Thank you, illness. Plus, coughing and sneezing the whole time probably was not an efficient use of my test time. Gross- now I just need something to make me look more attractive than I feel and maybe that will improve my morale a bit.

*sigh* Okay- now I hope no one reads this. I don't know if any of this even makes sense.