Inferiority Complex

Mar 11, 2008 - 22:12 PM PST

So I guess that this is a bit of a disclaimer or something. The poems that I posted were written during a really dark time a few years ago. Even though it was college and I was having a great time learning and partying, I was incredibly lonely. I was only happy when I was drunk which was sad because it was college, and that's the best time because you're out of the parents house and have the freedom to come and go as you please, but you have none of the responsibilities. But it was such a bad place. I seem to suffer from some kind of inferiority complex that continues to this day. I've always felt average, nothing special or remarkable (except was I was making art) and maybe it's because of growing up in the shadows of a brilliant and beautiful and popular sister, and an even more brilliant but troubled (putting it mildly) brother. And of course, the pretty friends thing. Not even really pretty, gorgeous. But hey, I had personality. There's just always been this voice in my head saying, You're not good enough. You don't deserve this. You're going to fuck it up. You are a fuck up. And even though I may not fuck it up, there's something there haunting me saying that I will or I might. Whether it's a job or a relationship, I always have this feeling like I am waiting for the other shoe to drop. Even though I am in a pretty solid relationship now...3 1/2 years and counting...I just keep expecting me to screw it up. I don't really know, I mean, does anyone else feel this way? Or is that just most people in their early 20's trying to figure themselves out?