insanity

Aug 05, 2008 - 21:15 PM PST

Help!!

Life is driving me crazy. I'm sinking under the boredom of summer and the relationships I feel I have to keep alive. If I dont feel happy and outgoing like everyone surrounding me does it just even worsens my mood. And here I am in a couple of weeks about to go off to college and live with people who will very well drive me insane too. I know such an optimist, but from what I am experiencing out of life most people don't give a damn about another. There is always the double side to someone. I guess I'm jsut not a people person anymore and I'm not quite sure if I ever was. I;m like the only freakin loner in my whole community. It seems to me that everyone has their friends and hangs out with them exceot for me. I really dont want to go to college anymore and just want to begin to live out in the wild. Have my concerns drop to survicing. When you have to survive you cannot think about being depressed or sad you are in fight mode and I think that;s what Ineed. I can't be thinking about the friends I have that dont call or about the friends I wish I had. Who am i trying to impress. I dont uderstand why I cant just be happy and live a life.

I just want to live and to survive but it seems to me that i am just trying to jepordize it. I feel that the actions I choose the decsions I make should have some importance that there is more to the world. The problem is that I just can't get there. I need to leave. I need to just get away and find somewhere I can find myself. I dont think i am the kind of person that can just be another person who makes things or sells things. I need to change things. I need to change my life.