i'm pretty sure i've been in this position before. and i'm almost positive i told myself i wouldn't let it happen again, yet somehow it has. let me be a little less vague.

when i get a new guy in my life, he usually falls into one of three categories.

1) friend: fun to hang out with, but strictly platonic.

2) friend w/ benefits (FWB): fun to hang out with, but fun to hook up with as well.

3) more than friend: a FWB who's also boyfriend material.

now the categories themselves rarely cause problems. if anything, they help me keep a clear idea of what's going on with who in my life. the problems arise when i shift boys from one category to the next, especially if they shift from 2 to 3. see, it's not so bad going from 1 to 2 because even if it's a little awkward at first, you're still in friend zone. any damages can be easily repaired and if things get really awkward, you just go back to category 1. going from 1 to 3 is okay too because that's kind of the natural flow of things. you meet a guy, you hang out with him, you start to really like each other, then you start to date. pretty simple.

my problem is i sometimes go through all three categories with the same guy and that's where things get messy.

correction: i sometimes go through all three categories with the same guy *in less than a month* THAT'S where things get messy. i say that because if you move too fast with a guy you like, he usually gets the wrong impression. he probably assumes you move this fast with all your guy friends and it's hard to convince him that you don't because he's got the evidence lying right next to him in bed and it's barely even been a month.

so that's where i am with andrew right now. we started hanging out at the end of the school year, started hooking up here in LA, and now i'm realizing that i actually like him, but i may have already blown my chances. and it's kinda tricky too because there's no way to rewind from here. i can't really stop hooking up with him without it looking like i've lost all interest (plus i have no desire to stop hooking up with him. what can i say? he's good...) and i'm not sure how to show that i like him as more than a FWB now that we've got this...i don't know...routine? i guess that's what i'll call it...now that we've got this routine going.

i just need to figure out a way to A) show that i'm interested beyond being FWBs and B) figure out if there's any chance he feels the same way. i would go all middle school and ask christian to get info for me, but that's just a little too 12-year-old for me. plus that would require telling christian what's going on with me and andrew and i don't need my business in the streets like that. i love the kid to death, but he's just too much of a gossip.

but anyways, that's where i stand right now. for some reason i thought if i got it all out and looked at it in print a solution would somehow present itself, but it hasn't so it looks like my plan has failed. surprise, surprise. i just don't know why i keep ending up in these kinds of messes. every kind of drama i've had in the past year is just a more involved version of some equally dumb thing i did in high school. i guess i still haven't learned. haha.

boo to my life and my silly life choices. i promise i'll do better. i just can't tell you when