It's Late, Love

Mar 17, 2008 - 00:40 AM PST

Very recently, I have decided that it is okay to love.

This is still a difficult concept for me to wrap my mind around. I know it sounds cliché to claim that I am "so jaded, man" but really, I think I am (was?).

There are times, however, when I walk outside and just feeling the breeze through my hair and smelling the air makes my heart fill until I feel like it will burst, sending a million little pieces of me floating and drifting along in the wind, content to be wrapped up forever in the air's sweet perfume.

Those are good days. Days when I feel like, "Yes, if it is possible for me to just feel this way about the air, then I shouldn't have any problems applying these feelings to actual people."

To further bury myself in a world of the cliché, the place where my heart longs for some companionship, well, that little void is filled with alcohol and meaningless sex, as I convince myself that I don't care, and that actually, I prefer not to be in a relationship. But I'm starting to get tired...

I am tired of fooling around with Whatshisname and doing stupid things with Whosthatguy. I am ready to give that up and settle down with someone who feels the same way I do about the world, life, each other... I just want someone who will take that first step, find me, and be willing to put up with the stupid things I do. I need someone to lay next to me so I can finally sleep. I would like occasional reassurance and encouragement. I like to think I don't require too much...
I often tell people it is almost impossible for me to fall in love. In reality, however, it would be so easy, if you just made any effort at all.

Or maybe I'm just being over-dramatic.



"I want so badly to believe that there is truth, that love is real."