Life at 25

I always thought it was stupid when friends were turning 25 and they would get all upset about it.  Well I'm there and I have to say I'm surprisingly more bothered then I ever thought I would be.  The thing that bothers me has nothing to do with the actual age.  Age is just a number.  It is a way of keeping track of how close we are o dying.  The thing that bothers me is the fact that I have nothing to show for my 25 years.  I have a whole bunch of debt, a job that I do enjoy but pays crap, friends that I do not feel close to at all.  And I also have a total inability to sustain any kind of romantic relationship.  

As far as money goes I can barely afford to pay my bills and the only way for me to even consider making more money is to get a masters.  I start the program in the fall but it's a lot of more money in loans to cover the tuition and I can't afford to not be working so I can only go part time.  This dooms me to a full time job and part time school for potentially the next 6 years.  

Romance is a joke in my life.  No matter what approach I take when I find someone I would like to date it always blows up in my face.  If I sleep with them early on they aren't interested in a relationship.  If I don't sleep with them early on it seems as though they don't come back anyway.  It isn't as though I want to settle down at this point in my life.  I'm far from marriage and all that stuff.  I'm not even sure if I want to be married.  But is it wrong to want to be with someone?  To have that one person that you can tell anything too, that will always call you back if you leave a message?  

When I was little I always wished I was an adult.  I thought life seemed so much easier for the grown ups.  Although I still don't feel quite like a true adult, I've gotten to the point where I wish I was just a kid again.  Even the toughest problems could be blocked out when I was kid.  The only way to forget now is to drink enough to forget.  But to be honest, that usually goes badly.  Plus I feel as though at this point it would be way to easy to end up as an alcoholic.  

 I never thought I would have life figured out but I always thought I would have a clearer vision of my life at this point.