life

Mar 26, 2008 - 23:23 PM PST

So I was just hanging out today thinking about how I don't even know what I'm doing with my life. I mean I know that I'm in college to "get an education" and "make something of my life" but who ever said that this was the way that I had to go about doing it. It just seems that I am burdening myself with such stress over my future but technically I don't even know if its even going to make a difference. I am one of thousands of theatre majors all over the United States and I love it, I wouldn't change it for anything but then I think are my parents right? Am I just wasting their money and my time by pursuing this? That's probably why they wouldn't let me only major in theatre; thats why they needed to demand that I pursue an actual career next to this one they think is pointless. People ask me everyday why I am doing this but the answer is that I can't see myself doing anything else, and yes I know that my chances are so incredibly slim that one day I could very well end up living in a box, but surprisingly, I'm ok with that. I just have issues understanding why it is that we have to decide what we want to do with the rest of our lives at 18. I don't know if in 5 or 10 years I'm gonna want the same things that I do now; I don't even know if I'll want the same things next week. I do know that society tells me that I have to make a decision about the rest of my life now and it is a decision that I am so lost about. I think that maybe if I try hard enough it will all be worth it but I don't know and then I come to the conclusion that I just think about things way too much. Isn't that what life should be about though? The daily ideas that we formulate to understand why we do the things we do or not even to understand but to just get through the day. I hate not having answers to the hundreds of unending questions that I have soaring through my skull and I feel like I am powerless against all of them. I would love to be able to view into my brain because I think that it would be a library filled with little men with little computers who just work their lives away trying to find ways to drive me insane. Maybe thats what it means to really be in tune with yourself; to have so many thoughts flying through your brian that all at once you want to yell STOP so they will hang in mid-air so then you can just pick through and examine what you want to. It's too much to imagine that everything we do is for no reason and that in the end nothing we do matters. If that was the case I think that human civilization might have died out long ago. It's the hope that we matter and that we can make a difference that really helps to keep us going throughout our daily lives. It is what keeps us fueled and ready to take on whatever life throws at us or any situation we become faced with. But hey, it's all good.

Trish