LOST

May 30, 2008 - 09:23 AM PST

I used to dance around my bedroom to Debbie Gibsons "lost in your eyes" for hours as a kid. I loved singing really loud and the idea that I could actually get LOST in someone else's eyes/presence.


Love is an interesting hallmark emotion in our culture. The more I look around and the more I understand, and have compassion realize how EASY it can be to get lost in someone or something.
My mother lost herself in her marriage and in mothering. In some ways, I still do not really know my mom- even though she is not with my dad and her children are all "grown up", we are conditioned to believe that others know what is best for us from a very early age. Do they?
The dance I have with my daughter is to allow HER to come up with her own conclusions about life, her dad, her friends ...her path.
It is not my job to lose myself in protecting, conditioning, or telling her how life IS-
for I am not her. When the separation from her dad began, there were times I was not with leela, my daughter. These moments were challenging and also spiritually liberating for me.
Am I a mom? Do I lose myself from time to time thinking that this is all I am?
Yes, I did. It is a dance- finding that balance for children DO require ALL of our attention.
They also EXPECT on a soul level for their parents to be FULL and WHOLE. To not need them to make them feel "complete". That is not our childrens jobs or partners JOB, actually. It is our own job and a beautiful one.

We are a lost society. We crave others to tell us who we are. We seek partnerships to complete and fill us up- and lose ourselves in the neediness of this. We work more. We identify ourselves with labels, ideals, boxes to make us feel more "secure" but they never really work.
For deep down we are all FREE. Limitless. Open. Expansive. Awesome souls.
The time I have had to "myself" has been rather beautiful. cChallenging at times, but I know on a deep level my daughter wants me to KNOW me and not depend on HER to fulfill me.
We are lost in the idea that outside love saves us -
we crave to be seen, yet have not harnessed or stepped into seeing ourselves. Allowing ourselves to speak truth, dance in our own innate rhythms and BE,
there were moments where I got lost in saving my ex husband. I felt it was my duty on some level to help him - fix him.
The TRUTH is he is not interested in that.
nor are many people i have come across.
The shift in me is a easeful one. It involves not taking ON other responsibilities for people
and TAKING IN my own truth and owning it. Celebrating it and getting "lost' in this play called life.
No job, person, or thing can have power "over" us unless we allow it to be so.
There is no need to be a land of the lost.
It is time to be a playground of experiences....without the need to get other players to "complete"us-
we ARE complete.
We rock.....


Discuss this article on our forums