Love is Fickle

Jan 16, 2008 - 00:42 AM PST

There are so many thoughts going through my head right now, that I don't even know where to start. I think my parents may split...again. Part of me is glad, part of me isn't. Its a horrible thought. It makes me wonder about myself. People say love is unbreakable. But if two people who proclaimed to be in love enough to spend their lives together forever, suddenly no longer want to be together, thats gotta mean one of two things. Either they never really loved each other in the first place, or, that love is way more fickle than anyone realizes. And if the latter is true, then what hope do I have of falling in love. What would be the point? Do I even want to? I mean I have this desire to be wanted by someone. But can I allow myself to fall in love with a person when I see that love is fickle. That it doesn't last. I don't know.

And I feel so naive, or stupid, or something. I through myself into simple things, into excuses, so I don't have to accept the realities of my world. I love volleyball. It's the funnest most exciting thing I've ever done. I love the adrenilan rush I get everytime I step on the court. But its only temporary. Is there really anything thats perminant in our lives? Our lives arent even perminant. How can we fool ourselves into loving someone so much that we will spend the rest of our lives together, through thick and thin, when nothing is perminant. Its asking for a perminant restriction on an non-perminant world. It's impossible. It can't work. Everything logical tells me that I shouldn't even care, cause its inevitable that it ends. But I'm not a logical person. I don't believe logic is always right. So why do I feel so strongly about this? Is it just mourning and pain towards a family's possible break up. I've never been in love. I don't want to give up on it before I even get the chance. But what else am I supposed to do. It's better to love and lost than to never have loved at all. Right? I don't know. All I do know, is as of right now, Love is Fickle.