Me, I Disconnect From You

Apr 28, 2008 - 17:57 PM PST

During my break yesterday, I had some things on my mind. I luckily found a paper and pen to write with. I had no one to talk too and I just started writing whatever came to mind. This is the result of that:
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Many times during the day, I feel as if I am living in a gruesome horror movie. This feeling of unrealness penetrates at my very core. I feel as if at any moment, some crazed psycho, some vicious animal or something will attack me. This always leaves me with a neurosis or paranoia. I drive every day to work in a haze. I know all these roads by memory. It's automatic. I feel like just speeding and going as fast as possible and not stopping. Reality sets in after a little while, and the urges subside. I have thought about psychiatric help and psychotherapy but ironically, I feel as if I might actually appear too normal to these people. I also fear medication whose side effects might make me feel worse than before. I have trouble sleeping lately. Reason? In the words of Doug Stanhope: "It's when the carnival begins!!" Words used against me in my past, past regrets, stupid things I might have done or said, hm...where did I put that pen...? Things like that.. I guess what I;m saying is that I would just like something to help me shut down. Have you ever tried to turn off the computer by shutting down, you leave the room, then come back and realize you forgot to save some text document, and it just stays on, and there's no one to save it. Yeah, I feel like that.