My life at the drive thru

Apr 14, 2008 - 21:54 PM PST

My life at the drive thru.

I hate in movie when they have the characters go through a drive thru and there seems to be some inept employee on the other end of the speaker. I feel they are doing a disservice to drive thru employees and missing out on some real sad humor. I work in the drive thru at a local DQ, not my life choice, just my life circumstance. This is an abbreviated version of the shit I deal with on a day to day basis. The customer is rarely right, but we try to let them think that they are.

***************************************************************************************************


“Thank you for stopping, how may I help you today?” I recited as I stepped on the aging petal that activated the speaker system.
“Ummm yeah, I would like a cookie dough blizzard.” The customer stumblingly ordered.
“What size would you like?” I questioned.
“Cookie dough.” The customer replied.
“Okay what SIZE did you want?” again I questioned feeling somewhat annoyed.
“I said COOKIE DOUGH!” The now enraged customer screamed in the speaker.
“What size cookie dough blizzard would you like? Small, Medium, or Large?” I responded holding back the frustration with the fourth customer that had done something similar during my glorious shift in the damn cave of DQ despair.
“Oh, I would like a small.” The recently screaming man said in a soft kind voice, as if he had realized that he was a complete dick, at least that what I was hoping. After finishing his order and reading it back he pulled around to the window and handed me a credit card.
“I’m sorry sir but we currently cannot take cards through the drive thru, I can transfer your order to the front of the store if you would like to come inside and pay.” I once again politely replied like a broken record that should have been burned years ago with the advent of the credit card. I quietly cursed my cheap bosses for not up dating to the late 20th century, while I sat here in the early 21st.
“What do you mean you don’t take credit cards?” He frustratingly spouted. “Why don’t your sign say that?”
“I am sorry sir, but it does say that.” Looking over at the drive thru menu and the sign that say exactly what I said next to the speaker that this angry son of a bitch had just attempted to berate me by screaming at me because he either does not know how to order or just assumes that I have mystical mind reading powers to know what his order is, and I have decided to use these powers to service jerks like this with ice cream and burgers. This obviously is my life calling.
“Well just cancel my order.” He smugly commands as he drives away in his rusted out piece of shit Chevy truck that may predate my existence. Just then a minivan pulls up to the speaker and I recite my monotone welcome like the trained monkey I am perceived to be.
“Yes I would like…. Cheese…..small…..” I barely heard a small woman’s voice order.
“I am sorry mama could you speak up a bit?” Trying to be a good employee with sincere politeness.
“I sorry, I would like a ….fry….Pepsi” again with the frail almost undetectable voice.
“I’m sorry you need to speak up I am still having trouble hearing you.” Laying the polite voice on as strong as my minimum wage monkey brain could fathom. Then from no where a sudden and boisterous voice of what one could only assume was that of the largest redneck with a beard and red plaid shirt cutoff at the shoulders that God ever dared to create saying.
“SHE SIAD SHE WANTED A CHEESE BURGER WITH KETCHUP AND MUSTARD, A SMALL FRY AND A SMALL PEPSI.” So loud that I feared the speaker may give out with the volume that came from this hick’s uneducated mouth. That’s when I realized that he was the driver and was too stupid or lazy to order and had the person who was six of seven feet from the mic try and order. He pulled and around and I found myself laugh a little on the inside, I was wrong about the beard.

Some time had passed before the next person pulled around.
“I would like a chicken sandwich and water.” An old woman’s voice cracked over the speaker. I read it back and gave her, her total. Looking at the window I saw a long black Cadillac slowly coming around the building, almost missing the driver before I saw the grey curly hair about level with the steering wheel. After waiting for her for what seemed like an eternity; long enough for the Roman Empire to rise and fall, which upon seeing her I thought perhaps she watched Nero light his city aflame. Opening the window I realized that she was five feet from the building. Stretching as far as I could I somehow was able to reach her money without having someone hold my legs. When she reached out to hand me the money she let her foot off the brake and went about ten feet forward. Why do we only have these people take an eye test to renew their license?
The next customer had no issues ordering, I thought thank God this woman has basic mental skills.
“Ok that will be $7.18” I said opening the door.
“Here you go” she cheerfully said as she held out her hands cupped together full of random coins. I reached out and waited for her to drop the unorganized bits of pressed metal into my now cupped hands. Upon counting I found she had only given me $5.93.
“I’m sorry you are $1.21 short.” I said praying that I would soon be seeing a dollar bill and a quarter.
“No I counted it is all there.” She positively responded
“Sorry I double check and there is only $5.93” I said wishing I could throw the change at her and make her count it again to see she was wrong. After digging through her change drawer and asking the other passengers for whatever they have I finally got all the money.
The next car came up and ordered, again without incidence. Opening the window and telling her the total she looked up and handed me a credit card.

© 2008 Aaron Kuhns