My Quarterlife Crisis...

Jan 08, 2008 - 01:04 AM PST

Ok, so I think sharing some info about may help people.. for if they wish.. to ask anything they want bout me.. open-door policy does mean I will try my best to answer honestly and fully to amything being asked..
I think I have always felt like an outsider in my enviroment.. You see, most of my life I have lived in Israel but as one who has been half american, I was at most considered the 'American...' a term I more often than not agreed with and ha, used my "americaness" to drink plenty of budlight when I could..
But then came my move (second one to be accurate) to the US and here, suprise suprise, I felt much more like a foreigner, the "Israeli" of me got the better half and I started missing the small things I once truly disliked.. or had less patience for.
mmm.. Outsider.. it is such a complexacity when noone really gets you! and I feel it all the time!
I have one true good friend and although he is over there, in that holy land (Israel) I do at least with him can share and confide my biggest fears and cheers..
yet, there is this gap in my mind, I can not feel free to tell everything even to him..
The cliche of wanting some partner, a better half to feel free and talk about everything anytime.. can it exist? is it merely a dream? As Dylan in the show stated.. do we 'compromise?'
I have yet to compromise.. yes, I fooled around but honestly - who didnt?
I have not cheated.. and I have yet to have truly madly deeply loved someone..
I have cared for some women in the past.. but it's more of a brotherly love..
Some of my friends tell me its good i never had that headache called a relationship to deal with... so how come I am willing for it so bad?
Yeah, like a wrote in a message just a few hours ago, our mind is at its clearest during the late hours of the night and early shades of morning.. it is now 4:03AM EST.. I am now goin to sleep.. a day older.. but so much not wiser.. looking for answers somewhere.. gnite