One

Jun 06, 2008 - 22:21 PM PST

Ok so i just finished writing this huge thing and i was about to submit it and then someone called me and i hit the back button!! Talk about frustrating, anyways take two

So hello internet strangers, internet strangers has a negative connotation but i mentioned in another entry that i find comfort in this community of strangers. And i did some thinking and i think figured out why i do. Many people have a type of filter in their head. A lot of people act differently around different people, at least a little bit. most people don't notice it, i don't at least. But in the long run you realize what your doing. A different filter for different people. A filter that censors your thoughts, and sometimes changes things before letting them out. This is all happening on a near subconscious level of course. Depending on the person you could become several different people. The filter keeps things inside and divides you into different parts, and out and inner you. It can get so bad that you might have to peal back the outer layers to remember what you look like underneath.

Well i've peeled back my layers and i think i'm just going to be one person. One person, one spirit, one mind, one heart, just one. One solid person will always be stronger than a fragmented individual. Being too many people is just exhausting. The amount of energy it takes to put on a mask is unbearable at times. Why does anyone do it at all? Well so people will like them. As cliché as it sounds its always better to just be yourself. Instead of pretending to be better, become better. Instead of pretending to be different accept who you are. the point is if you act different then the friends you make will only ever be pretend. If you real then the friends you make will be real.

I personally have pretended almost my entire life. I've put on a mask for so long i nearly forgot what i looked like underneath. But i did fool everyone i met with that mask. The difference being that my mask hid a more depressed version of me rather than a less cool version of me that may have been suggested above. Not only hiding it from others but from myself. It worked well i had plenty of friends but non of them were real. Non of them even knew me, my family didn't know me. I turend everything inward until it erupted out of me like some crazy emotional volcano. Avoiding my feelings and my problems did help temporarily but in the long run it wasn't worth it. One has to be in-touch with all their different parts. To be in-touch and be unified. One has to confront or at least acknowledge their feelings and not bury anything deep inside, otherwise it would just pop out later.

Being one is the easiest life style, no matter what others or you think. To keep your conscious and subconscious self in-touch, almost like your id ego and superego (For more info on id ego and superego look up Sigmund Freud). The three aspects of the human consciously work most efficiently when in-touch. When three become one life becomes easier. It is almost as if you are given a certain amount of substance and when you are divided then the substance is devided leaving you scattered and weaker. One is really the simplest way of life. One is the simplest number i know, besides zero but in this metaphor i think zero would be death...you don't want to be zero, at least i know i don't. I think i'll stick to one