Phony?

Mar 29, 2008 - 22:26 PM PST

Ahhhh!!! Okay so this is not in reference to anything specific that I have or anyone else has written, but does anyone ever just feel ridiculously conscious of what they write to the point that it just feels like you are trying to write something that is going to be the next profound comment that is either going to create meaning or revelation in your own life or drastically affect anyone who reads it. Sometimes I just feel like a big phony when I write down stuff because regardless of the place it comes from within me, I constantly am so self-aware that I feel like a tool or a joke that shouldn't be taken seriously. I mean this also happens in conversations too for me but moreso in writing just because I am usually thinking about what I want to say. It seems so difficult to say what I want to say and have people understand. Is profound writing that which all persons can understand but is self conscious or that writing which all people can understand and is not conscious of itself as a piece? It is constantly a question that I ask myself.

Soemtimes I wish that I wasn't so self-aware of myself and other people because I feel less genuine with that awareness. Food for thought anyone?