quarterlife

lauralou27 | Inver Grove Heights, MN • United States , Age 29

I'm into: Writing Music Film and Video

Releasing the Pause

Nov 28, 2007 - 18:38 PM PST

So I just started to release the pause button on my life. Step 1, stop living inside this little cocoon I've spun for myself. Unravel it, release all this tension I live with. You know what creates the tension... not living. Not experiencing life. Not challenging myself.

I have this friend who is constantly pressuring me to live outside my comfort zone. I hold him away at arm's length because the things that he says scare me. I agree with a lot of the things that he believes: get involved in saving our environment, get involved in our community, stop hiding on my sofa in front of the television and challenge myself.

He's always telling me I need to write more, and I do. I don't write more because I'm afraid that when it comes time to putting words down that I have nothing of value to say. I think I need to embrace that I won't always have something of value to say, but there will be those moments when I will and it will be worth it then when I finally reveal those moments. I think the problem with my friend is that he is so judgemental, he's constantly judging others and how they live their lives, but I'm pretty sure he never takes that same hyper-critical view of his own life.

It's hard to take someone like that seriously. When they never really listen to others, yet they think they do. He would probably describe himself as a good conversationalist and an excellent listener, yet he's not. I always learn something from him in our conversations, yet I'm positive he rarely ever learns something from me. And it's not because I'm not saying valuable things and I'm not trying to teach him. I am trying, he just doesn't listen. That is one thing that I am proud of in myself. I listen to others, I just don't often listen to myself.

Title: Releasing the Pause

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Added: 11-28-2007

Channel: Writing

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lauralou27

Dec 18, 2007 - 13:40 PM

Rebecca-
Thank you so much for your thoughtful response. I agree that putting myself in "pause" is a self-preservation mechanism. And I think it's one that works for me. I just hit these walls sometimes in my life where I realize that I need to release the pause button. And I think what you're saying is to find a balance between living inside my head, putting the world on pause and interacting with the real world. I'm just at a point right now where I'm really really looking for that balance. I think I'm on the verge of finding it too. And like you said, negative feedback from others, like my critical friend, needs to be taken lightly. That is another aspect of myself I'm working on. Taking criticism lightly when it is only meant to push me down. Thanks again Rebecca, I appreciate your input.
Thanks,
Laura

bec

Dec 17, 2007 - 18:02 PM

Laura - I can relate to "living inside my head." I like how you used the metaphor of releasing the pause button on life. Its a new way for me to look at it because I often say I'm trying to "get back into the rythm of life" or "join the land of the living" again.. but sometimes things on the outside must just be paused to catch up and reconcile your inner and outer worlds. It doesn't, in my eyes, mean that you are just stagnant. Your thoughts and reflections during that time may not be very comforting while on pause and your relationships and confidence may suffer, but (and not trying to sound preachy or hokey) you are on pause to refuel yourself, something you need deep down despite what you feel you want right now. It is self preservation in this overstimulating and plain CRAZY world we're in (wow, i should try to listen to myself too) The critical friend you talk about is a link for you between both worlds, but it doesn't sound like it is the right kind of encouragement for you. ..or maybe, its just not the right time for you to be hearing what you already know you "should" (for lack of better term) be doing. I mean, how easy is it afterall ?!! (sarcasmmmm;) I'm not sure what your situation is, but for the longest time, I thought the break from the world I took, or pause (and to some extent am still taking) was lost time, but as I am emerging back into the rythm of life, the time I was on pause was not really lost. Nothing is ever really lost. You will carry it with you and your path depends on what you take from it. It is invaluable to you. You. You are the one that is invaluable. Information talks, but wisdom listens. I say, do not put too much stock into what any one person, myself..your friend...anyONE person says, but rather hear the truths and inspiration from different sources that agree with you. I wish you the best.. and please know I might as well be giving myself advice here.. i too wish to experience life, i don't know where to get what i want or what it is that i really want, but i know i want it really badly.. take care, rebecca