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beautyfromashes | Kaukauna, WI • United States , Age 24

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Scarlet Tears

Mar 28, 2008 - 21:15 PM PST

The Beauty Queen -- Ms. Popular
All the girls want to be her
She fakes a smile so you can't tell
At home her life's a living Hell

The Teacher's Pet -- Gets straight A's
"She's going places," so they say
She does ballet -- plays in the band
But loneliness is her only friend
__________

She wants to die -- hangs her head
Grabs the knife under her bed
She starts to cry -- locks the door
And Scarlet Tears fall to the floor
__________

Back of the class -- your Average Joe
He blends in, goes with the flow
But dad's in prison, mom's on crack
He just wants his childhood back

Class President -- Homecoming King
Girlfriend's wearing his class ring
Got her pregnant but paid the bill
For the abortion that haunts him still
__________

He wants to die -- hangs his head
Grabs the gun under his bed
He starts to cry -- locks the door
And Scarlet Tears fall to the floor
__________

They want to live -- just don't know how
Hold out your hand the time is now
Save a life -- help them see
Christ's Scarlet Tears have set them free

~03/28/08~

Title: Scarlet Tears

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Added: 03-28-2008

Channel: Writing

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Votes: 3

Views: 258

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beautyfrom...

Apr 12, 2008 - 22:29 PM

Thank you for your comment(s). One of the points in/of this poem is that it IS about cliches. Everyone thinks they 'know' these types of people labeled into different stereotypes... but oftentimes there is much underneath the surface that remains ignored/unseen.

I don't really attempt to be eloquent or write the next masterpiece. I write from my heart. I can't sit down and say... 'I'm going to write a poem.' It doesn't work that way for me. Things come to me and come out rather 'quickly.' Not that I don't put thought into what I write... but I'm not trying to be a technical/stylistic genius either.

At the end of the day my writing, songs, art... are just a means of catharsis. I never really meant it for anyone but myself. However when I started to share I found many people were able to relate. Check out my site if you're interested... www.myspace.com/suicidepreventionwi

~Kelli~

The_Cataly...

Apr 12, 2008 - 07:25 AM

Few suicide-themed poems live up to my standard. I think the theme can only be tackled if one is to avoid the cliches and do it in an original way that makes you think bout the subject in a new light.

That being said, I have to say with this poem here I'm on the fence. It has great rhythm and flows nicely, but the word choice is...how do I say this...expected?

Again I do have to give props to you on the ending though.
now many people tie a religious connotation to a suicide poem without making it feel pushy and obnoxious. You have somehow done it in a way that is subtle and even hopeful.

So all in all I'd have to say I enjoyed this piece, and I accept that in order to do it you had to dab into the cliches. I would like to see this given a rewrite tho to see if it could be done better, but thats entirely up to you if you wanted to do that.

I hope you didn't take my critique the wrong way, but I'm not one to blindly praise a piece of work.

iamme13

Apr 05, 2008 - 18:47 PM

Its interesting....so true...that is school. No one knows the real person becuase everyone is fake.

cruxforchr...

Mar 29, 2008 - 22:37 PM

This is very powerful. It really helps me when times are tough. Though I have never considered suicide there are many times when it seems all that could go wrong does. In those times this message, this reminder that you boldly presented comes and comforts. Thank you for using your talent in such a way. God bless.

evan_angel

Mar 29, 2008 - 04:21 AM

Most of us do have issues. Some issues run deep in a calm body of water. Growing up I always thought it was odd that some were looked at strangely, or prescribed medication, or ostracized for expressing their thoughts and feelings. Today we call them Emo.