[scattered ideas]

Feb 26, 2008 - 10:32 AM PST

Have you ever felt like nothing you do makes any sense whatsoever. I mean seriously, it's not like you wander around the world with everything sort out, or do you? am i the only one who doesn't seem to have much sorted out? ... I don't know, it's like I go to class and I sit there, front row (blame it to a slight ADD thing I have) and I take notes, and I listen to the professor, participate if it's (a) absolutely mandatory or (b) if i have an actual basis to fight off whatever his (or the rest of the class) opinion may be... and then the class is over, and it's like hitting monotony all over again.

And then there's the people you see everyday, people you like, people you don't, people that just seem to exist in order to take up space. And i do engage in conversations with all of them, but it's just so empty... boring, useless.

I think that's my problem, now that i mention it, i get bored easily. And then i start wandering about, or just sit somewhere i can see everything, without everything seeing me, and i observe, pay close attention to the routine of other people. To how they all come out of class, and they all sit around the same place, and talk of the same things/people/etc or god help us, they talk about legal issues (yes, I'm a lawyer, or a about to be one) and then it becomes unbearable.

And I get back home, at some point, and I have a pile of paperwork to work on, and yes, a thesis to worry about. And I turn on the laptop, check my email, surf the net for a minute or two, put some music on, and i gaze at my bookshelf and there's about 10 books i haven't laid a finger on... and i know that has contributed to my boredom and my, nah, just my boredom... And i think about the fact that i really need to find a free couple of hours to read, anything but class really, as a way to escape. Of becoming somebody else for a while... to worry about other people, to think about other things.

I don't know... i don't even think this is making too much sense... it's well, just scattered ideas said out loud, 'cause there's a few of those in my head. But i can't write any longer, there's a paperwork due today I still have to finish, and classes to attend...